Power

Losing My Lege: What Would Jesus Really Do?

If the Texas legislature is serious about putting the word of God into action, it's got plenty of places to start before it gets to allowing Texans to be armed to the teeth at Arby's.

If the Texas legislature is serious about putting the word of God into action, it's got plenty of places to start before it gets to allowing Texans to be armed to the teeth at Arby's. Shutterstock

Losing My Lege is a weekly column about the goings-on in and around the Austin capitol building during the 84th Texas legislature.

How do you know which big issue the Texas legislature is about to tackle? Apparently, you look at what Republicans promise not to do.

In 2013, it was abortion. During the regular legislative session, Republican lawmakers said they wouldn’t pass any new laws restricting reproductive health-care access. But when the summer special session rolled around, they passed a beast of an anti-abortion law—currently making its way through the federal court system—that will shutter all but eight legal abortion facilities if it goes into full effect. The law, HB 2, has already closed two dozen legal abortion clinics in the state.

Now, it’s guns. Back in January, our newly elected lieutenant governor, Dan Patrick, told the Texas Tribune that legislation enabling the open carry of firearms in Texas “does not reach the level of prioritizing at this point.”

This week, the Texas senate—the deliberative body over which Patrick presides—passed legislation enabling the open carry of firearms in Texas.

What happened between now and those halcyon days of yore? Well, Patrick’s staff met with a group of gun-totin’ bros from North Texas. These dudes, members of the Open Carry Tarrant County group, had already made threats against lawmakers—bullying them, in person, to the extent that the Texas House of Representatives passed a rule allowing legislators to install panic buttons in their offices should pro-gun activists get too rowdy.

“Tell them to get the panic buttons ready,” warned Kory Watkins, the fedora-wearing leader of Open Carry Tarrant County, before he met with Patrick’s people.

I guess it’s easier for Dan Patrick to capitulate to the presumed demands of a handful of gun fetishists than it is to stick to his word. Of course, Patrick’s background is in talk radio, so maybe he’s used to blathering on without worrying about the consequences.

And Patrick took his orders like a champ. He fast-tracked gun legislation that’s long been floundering in the lege and the senate passed the bill, which would allow Texans who have concealed handgun licenses to openly carry holstered handguns. Now, they’ll send the bill over to the (comparatively moderate! Even with the “former fetus” guy! Life is the richest pageant!) house for consideration. It’s worth noting that our new governor, Greg Abbott, has promised to sign open carry into law if it comes across his desk.

I give you this background not because any of it is particularly surprising or remarkable, but because of a very brief moment amid all the shenanigans that provided some truly bizarre, and troubling, insight into the GOP’s logical gymnastics.

In the process of debating and voting on this legislation, Texas Sen. Brian Birdwell (R-Granbury), who sponsored the gun bill, laid out the supposed reasoning behind one of Republican gun enthusiasts’ strangest, and most oft-repeated, claims: that the ability to carry guns is a “god-given” right.

Now, I’m not saying I paid close attention every week in Sunday school, but I’m bordering on extremely certain that guns do not make an appearance either in the New or Old Testament. So I was interested to hear Sen. Birdwell explain how an ancient text gave anyone the right to carry an automatic assault rifle to their local discount store. As documented in the Houston Chronicle:

“The Declaration (of Independence) says we are endowed by our creator with certain inalienable rights and that to protect these rights, governments are instituted among men to preserve them. Article VII of the U.S. Constitution brings forward the Declaration as original law, therefore, creator and God are the same to me,” said Birdwell.

He added, “the right to self preservation and the right to defend one’s life is God-given because of the language in our Declaration and Article VII of the U.S. Constitution.”

If I’m following the, er, logic: Article VII of the U.S. Constitution gives the Declaration of Independence the same divine authority as the Bible, the word of God, in a roundabout way? The founding fathers invoked the creator in the Declaration of Independence, so its content carried the same weight as the Bible when the Constitution retroactively established it as “original law.”

This exact idea—governmental rule by religious law—scares the pants off the GOP when they start frothing about Sharia Law, but apparently it’s all good when it’s white Christian guys pretending they’re some kind of modern-day Council of Nicaea.

I can think of a couple of problems with the idea that the founding documents are the equivalent of the word of God, but the one that really stands out to me is this: It completely and totally counters the original intent of the founding fathers (founding prophets, I guess?), who, if nothing else, were pretty clear on the point that the U.S. Constitution is a living document that can be amended over time.

Hard to amend the word of God. Haven’t seen any major changes to the Ten Commandments lately.

But sure, I’ll run with the idea that John Hancock and company were divine prophets and that the founding documents carry the same weight as the Bible. If that’s the case, the Texas legislature can probably do a little better on some other legislation that, if I remember my churching correctly, more closely reflects what I understand to be the message of Jesus—a man whose stance on taking up arms appears to have been something along the lines of “not even if they literally crucify you.”

But if we’re running with this, let’s really run with it. If the founding documents are equal to the word of God, let’s actually apply the Creator’s words to our policies.

Let’s start with, for example, two proposals heard by the House State Affairs committee this week: this bill from Rep. Rafael Anchia (D-Dallas), a version of which Anchia has proposed multiple times in past sessions. It would give kids who are adopted by same-gender parents the ability to have both of their parents’ names on their birth certificates. And this bill, from Rep. Mary Gonzalez (D-El Paso), that would allow teen parents to consent to being prescribed contraception without a parent’s approval.

Strengthening families and giving people the rights and abilities to make their own decisions? Sounds pretty Jesus-y to me. That’s some loving-thy-neighbor kind of business. Some more ideas: How about not trying to actively dismantle the legal marriage of two Texans who love each other? How about, oh, not taking cancer treatment away from poor folks? What about not dragging grieving families into court just to score political points? How about letting people, say, use the bathroom in peace?

I’m just spitballing here. But if the legislature is serious about putting the word of God into action, it’s got plenty of places to start before it gets to allowing Texans to be armed to the teeth at Arby’s.