Men Choose Abortion Too


This week, the anti-choice group Live Action posted an article about how men can stop the women in their lives from obtaining an abortion. The article tells men not to “give your permission for abortion or help her get one,” suggests getting a restraining order against their partner, and advises them to buy their partner prenatal vitamins and baby supplies. But the most wrongheaded thing about the piece is that not all men are against abortion—many think it is a complicated issue and support their partners in their decision-making.

When I became pregnant at 19, I was scared. I was at my then-boyfriend’s best friend’s house when I decided to take the test. They were in the other room playing video games, and I told my boyfriend that I was going in to the bathroom to get the results. Positive. I sat on the toilet and cried. I cried for 45 minutes alone. When I finally had the strength to leave the bathroom, I signaled for him to meet me in the living room. We sat on the couch and he hugged me. He knew the result of the test.

“What do you want to do?” he asked me.

“Well, I’m not ready to be a parent. I don’t want to be pregnant,” I replied.

We sat in silence for a minute, and then I asked him what he thought. He said that he had always pictured us staying together and raising a family, but also knew how hard it would be. We had friends with children and saw the challenges they faced and how hard they worked to be great parents. I was proud of them, but knew it was something I wasn’t ready for. We weren’t ready.

As I was still deciding on how to continue our pregnancy, I consulted two other people—both single fathers, co-parenting an infant and a toddler with their children’s mothers, and both friends of my boyfriend. I asked them what they thought I should do.

“I love my son. I really do,” one friend told me. “He means the world to me. But if I had to do it over again, I wouldn’t.” He explained that parenting is harder than he thought it would ever be, and once you leave the hospital you also leave all its resources, safety nets, and support. He also wanted the option to decide when he could become a parent—a time when he and his child would be set up for success.

The other friend’s advice was simple: “Abortion is tough, but if that’s what you feel, then that’s your answer.” He also explained that being a parent is hard, and admitting you’re not ready for it is a mature, parent-like thing to do.

As I continue to share my abortion experience publicly, I meet people who want to share theirs with me. Some of those people are men. I’ve heard stories about how the choice was tough, but they appreciated that their partner included them in the decision. They too felt abortion was the best option at that time. Some have gone on to have other children, while others haven’t. Once a man told me that when he and his partner became pregnant after having an abortion, they had such a different feeling about it: “We knew that this time, we were ready to be parents. I felt like a father.”

Being a parent is about more than buying prenatal vitamins and diapers. It is about having the ability to support a person for the rest of your life. And when I decide to become a parent, I want to make sure that I am in a place where I am ready to do that. And I want to do it with a partner who is ready to respect our children, our family, and me. What Live Action doesn’t understand is that supporting someone through an abortion is a form of love as well. It’s a deep respect for all of life’s complexities. And I believe that most men, and fathers, understand that too.

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  • Brian

    The only people whose positions matter are those who are opposed to abortion. With men it works this way. If a man doesn’t want his partner to terminate a pregnancy he’s having his rights trampled. If he does want his partner to have an abortion, he’s coercing her. It’s simple really. Sort of like the right to conscience applies only to those who refuse to provide reproductive health care services, not to those who want to do so.

  • Jane Orolson

    Maybe you should try really reading what Live Action posted. You may not agree anyway, but the article doesn’t recommend that men buy prenatal vitamins or baby supplies and give them to their girlfriend or wife. It recommends that they help their girlfriend or wife find a local pregnancy resource center where they will find someone to talk to and someone who can help them find these and other resources if they need them. Also, it doesn’t say that men should get a restraining order – it says they can try to get an injunction which would stop an abortion. Sure, there’s men who support abortion. But plenty of men feel helpless when they want to have their child and the mother doesn’t. Live Action’s article is designed to help these men know their options and give them ideas about what to do to care about their girlfriend or wife, but still save their child.

    • Jane Orolson

      Not that it’s a bad idea for men to buy prenatal vitamins or baby supplies – that’s good, actually. But if you’re going to criticize an article, you may want to at least read it.

      • lindzanne

        From the article: “Pregnancy help centers are key right now. They can help your girlfriend or wife with a number of things: they can direct her to resources like medical help, prenatal vitamins, and baby supplies; they can give her facts about abortion – what happens and its effects – and fetal development; they can often provide free ultrasounds which are instrumental in helping women see that their unborn child is a baby; they can offer a listening ear and someone to talk through her situation with – someone who cares about her and believes in life for your child.”
        Yes, it advises men to access these things for their partner, which is the least dangerous thing it tells them to do–unless you think about the misinformation, false gestational dating, manipulation, bullying, and coercion these “recource ceenters” engage in.

    • belgianchic

      no, its not. i read the article. its an article designed to instruct men on how to manipulate their partners out of exercising their reproductive rights.

    • Trollface McGee

      No, men are not entitled to injunctions against their partner’s abortion – any lawyer that files one is filing a frivolous claim and should be sanctioned. And “pro-life” attorneys do it because filing motion after motion and pretty soon it’s too late to get an abortion with the ever shrinking deadlines and then she’s forced to have the baby

      No one has the right to force another human being to bear a child for them. No one.

      • https://www.facebook.com/tidwell.christopher Christopher Tidwell

        What the hell? Forget political bs for a second and let’s get down to the dirty hard to face truth of things. Abortion causes suicide. I know, I am no more than a thought away from it every second of every day. Simply because I was lied to by a woman I am deeply and irrevocably in love with. I was told “I can’t have children” We discussed surrogates or adoption and decided both were viable options that could and would be utilized. Then she became miraculously pregnant and all of a sudden the statement was “I don’t want to give birth”. Health reason? Nope. Financial? Nope. I was 100% against it. Did everything I could to prevent it. I even informed her in no uncertain terms “If you end our baby’s life you will end mine, do you want me dead?” Her response was “No, I love you more than anything.” She had the abortion. Now I constantly fight to stay my hand from the razor sharp blade I carry for work. Not out of any desire to harm her. Only to keep from drawing it across my own flesh. I feel impotent, cowardly, full of self loathing that I could not save my child’s life. Do any of you ignorant people care one bit about us men who are so troubled by an event like this. Do you realize that every time I see a statement claiming we just want to enslave women I take one step closer to death? There is sometimes much much more than a “Fetus” at stake.

        I am still with her.

        Yes I still love her.

        Yes I want to leave her.

        How can I? I am emotionally crippled. The only thing I ever truly wanted from Life was children.. I know I cannot now have another child and not feel self-loathing every time I look at him/her. I feel self-loathing every time I see a diaper commercial or e.p.t. commercial. She had her self confidence destroyed by her previous relationship we both know how much better a person she has become because of her relationship with me, I am kind, caring, understanding. Patient. Most people are not where she is concerned. She has trouble understanding any concept that does not fit her world view as shaped by her previous partner whom she was with from 14 to 22. He used her and kept her addicted to drugs. She told me she just needed someone to answer all of her “Why” questions. I am above average in intelligence. Studied psychology since 12. I thought I could help show her what compassion truly is. Unwavering. Steady. I had no Idea she was a sociopath and that she could never understand what that meant. Now she will never have to fear being rejected and mistreated by a man. She will have me to help solve her problems. Because she cannot function in any society but a drug society and even there her survival would depend on a coin toss.. Who was manipulated here?

        Now please tell me again how us men have no right to be against abortion. Or how we want to just control women. Enslave them. Also, Tell me how much the price of a .38 calibur shell is and add that to an abortion cost. Thats how cheep it is to end two humans lives.

        What a bargain….

        • fiona64

          Spam, spam, spam ..

          • Jennifer Starr

            Found this guy’s facebook and did a google search on Christopher Wayne Tidwell and the pictures match–this guy’s a registered sex offender. Lovely people, these ‘pro-lifers’.

        • cjvg

          Wow, thank goodness she had enough insight to get an abortion.
          You are clearly extremely unstable, co-dependent and a narcissist and you identify her as a sociopath that you can’t live without (co-dependent) and former drug addict with self esteem issues and a warped world view.

          It seems she spared the US another “father kills wife and kids when she files for divorce” tragedy.

          Your “relationship” is just fraught with massive unresolved mental and social issues
          Exactly the kind of people who should NOT be in charge of a helpless child!

      • fiona64

        Some yutz tried that a decade ago and got laughed out of court: http://www.nytimes.com/2002/08/06/us/ex-boyfriend-loses-bid-to-halt-an-abortion.html

    • Jennifer Starr

      Pregnancy resource centers don’t help women. They lie to them, manipulate and pressure them and even coerce them into adoptions. But what they don’t do is help.

      • colleen2

        Jennifer, I slightly disagree. Pregnancy resource centers provide a salary to the otherwise unemployable women of the religious right. It’s like welfare for authoritarian zealots.

        • Jennifer Starr

          Got a point there, Colleen :)

    • canaduck

      “But plenty of men feel helpless when they want to have their child and the mother doesn’t. ”

      Then I guess they should have chosen a partner who wanted to take on the enormous, life-changing, single-handed responsibility of pregnancy and childbirth. (And in most cases, the great majority of child-rearing as well.) You shouldn’t actually get proprietary ownership over somebody’s entire life just because you happen to ejaculate into their body.

      • erbmon

        There is no such thing as a helpless man.

      • https://www.facebook.com/tidwell.christopher Christopher Tidwell

        What the hell? Forget political bs for a second and let’s get down to the dirty hard to face truth of things. Abortion causes suicide. I know, I am no more than a thought away from it every second of every day. Simply because I was lied to by a woman I am deeply and irrevocably in love with. I was told “I can’t have children” We discussed surrogates or adoption and decided both were viable options that could and would be utilized. Then she became miraculously pregnant and all of a sudden the statement was “I don’t want to give birth”. Health reason? Nope. Financial? Nope. I was 100% against it. Did everything I could to prevent it. I even informed her in no uncertain terms “If you end our baby’s life you will end mine, do you want me dead?” Her response was “No, I love you more than anything.” She had the abortion. Now I constantly fight to stay my hand from the razor sharp blade I carry for work. Not out of any desire to harm her. Only to keep from drawing it across my own flesh. I feel impotent, cowardly, full of self loathing that I could not save my child’s life. Do any of you ignorant people care one bit about us men who are so troubled by an event like this. Do you realize that every time I see a statement claiming we just want to enslave women I take one step closer to death? There is sometimes much much more than a “Fetus” at stake.

        I am still with her.

        Yes I still love her.

        Yes I want to leave her.

        How can I? I am emotionally crippled. The only thing I ever truly wanted from Life was children.. I know I cannot now have another child and not feel self-loathing every time I look at him/her. I feel self-loathing every time I see a diaper commercial or e.p.t. commercial. She had her self confidence destroyed by her previous relationship we both know how much better a person she has become because of her relationship with me, I am kind, caring, understanding. Patient. Most people are not where she is concerned. She has trouble understanding any concept that does not fit her world view as shaped by her previous partner whom she was with from 14 to 22. He used her and kept her addicted to drugs. She told me she just needed someone to answer all of her “Why” questions. I am above average in intelligence. Studied psychology since 12. I thought I could help show her what compassion truly is. Unwavering. Steady. I had no Idea she was a sociopath and that she could never understand what that meant. Now she will never have to fear being rejected and mistreated by a man. She will have me to help solve her problems. Because she cannot function in any society but a drug society and even there her survival would depend on a coin toss.. Who was manipulated here?

        Now please tell me again how us men have no right to be against abortion. Or how we want to just control women. Enslave them. Also, Tell me how much the price of a .38 calibur shell is and add that to an abortion cost. Thats how cheep it is to end two humans lives.

        What a bargain…

        • Wendigo

          You need help.

    • Jennifer Starr

      Getting an injunction or a restraining order to force a woman to carry a pregnancy that she does not want is not in the least bit caring. Controlling and coercive, yes, but caring? Never.

    • cjvg

      Maybe those men should have ensured that the women they were dating felt the same way as they did.
      Or barring that maybe these men should have used birth control!

      Trying to co-opt ownership of a body that is NOT yours and forcing the actual owner of that body to assume health, financial and economic consequences that they are not willing or prepared to assume is immoral and unethical!

    • DMolloy

      By “pregnancy resource center” I assume you mean crisis pregnancy center. One of those places where they tell you how you’ll go to hell if you don’t accept their religion, try to steal your baby to sell to baby brokers who put it up for adoption for profit or offer you baby supplies with the condition that you must go to their religious classes. That isn’t support, it’s aggressive emotional blackmail. It’s abusive and its wrong. If men what to “know their options” they need to talk to their partner, preferably before the unintended pregnancy occurs.

    • HeilMary1

      Liar Rose never helps women grossly disfigured, disabled and bankrupted by childbirth’s frequent, under-reported complications and Liar Rose never helps children raped and otherwise abused by anti-choice clergy. Liar Rose never prepares reluctant fathers-to-be about their going to jail for bankrupting child support fines and their homelessness after losing their jobs over time-consuming child-rearing when childbirth MURDERS their mothers.

    • fiona64

      It recommends that they help their girlfriend or wife find a local
      pregnancy resource center where they will find someone to talk to and
      someone who can help them find these and other resources if they need
      them

      That would be far better advice if CPCs were actually staffed with medical professionals instead of (admittedly well-meaning) volunteers who provide disinformation.

  • colleen2

    How fortunate that you choose a partner who was supportive of you and that did not desert you. Many and probably most single women with an unwanted pregnancy are not that fortunate.

  • erbmon

    If he knew the results then why was she crying for 45 minutes ALONE? He must be a loser.

    • maiathebeegrrl

      Perhaps because he respected he need to process alone before talking with him? Because he trusted her to come out when she was ready to process with him? Because barging in the bathroom would be, you know, rude and invasive and inappropriate?

  • https://www.facebook.com/tidwell.christopher Christopher Tidwell

    What the hell? Forget political bs for a second and let’s get down to the dirty hard to face truth of things. Abortion causes suicide. I know, I am no more than a thought away from it every second of every day. Simply because I was lied to by a woman I am deeply and irrevocably in love with. I was told “I can’t have children” We discussed surrogates or adoption and decided both were viable options that could and would be utilized. Then she became miraculously pregnant and all of a sudden the statement was “I don’t want to give birth”. Health reason? Nope. Financial? Nope. I was 100% against it. Did everything I could to prevent it. I even informed her in no uncertain terms “If you end our baby’s life you will end mine, do you want me dead?” Her response was “No, I love you more than anything.” She had the abortion. Now I constantly fight to stay my hand from the razor sharp blade I carry for work. Not out of any desire to harm her. Only to keep from drawing it across my own flesh. I feel impotent, cowardly, full of self loathing that I could not save my child’s life. Do any of you ignorant people care one bit about us men who are so troubled by an event like this. Do you realize that every time I see a statement claiming we just want to enslave women I take one step closer to death? There is sometimes much much more than a “Fetus” at stake.

    I am still with her.

    Yes I still love her.

    Yes I want to leave her.

    How can I? I am emotionally crippled. The only thing I ever truly wanted from Life was children.. I know I cannot now have another child and not feel self-loathing every time I look at him/her. I feel self-loathing every time I see a diaper commercial or e.p.t. commercial. She had her self confidence destroyed by her previous relationship we both know how much better a person she has become because of her relationship with me, I am kind, caring, understanding. Patient. Most people are not where she is concerned. She has trouble understanding any concept that does not fit her world view as shaped by her previous partner whom she was with from 14 to 22. He used her and kept her addicted to drugs. She told me she just needed someone to answer all of her “Why” questions. I am above average in intelligence. Studied psychology since 12. I thought I could help show her what compassion truly is. Unwavering. Steady. I had no Idea she was a sociopath and that she could never understand what that meant. Now she will never have to fear being rejected and mistreated by a man. She will have me to help solve her problems. Because she cannot function in any society but a drug society and even there her survival would depend on a coin toss.. Who was manipulated here?

    Now please tell me again how us men have no right to be against abortion. Or how we want to just control women. Enslave them. Also, Tell me how much the price of a .38 calibur shell is and add that to an abortion cost. Thats how cheep it is to end two humans lives.

    What a bargain.

    • fiona64

      Abortion causes suicide.

      Citation needed. Thanks in advance.

    • Jennifer Starr

      I want to feel sorry for you, but this–this is just one long extended self-pitying whine about how you couldn’t mold a girl to your expectations and force her to remain pregnant and give birth for you. Poor, poor you, but she would’ve been the one to have to carry the pregnancy and the decision belonged to her. Instead of calling her a sociopath you might actually try talking to her and understanding where she’s coming from instead of thinking of her as a project you couldn’t fix. And as for your self-loathing and being emotionally crippled—have you ever thought of getting counseling for yourself instead of wallowing in your pity party? Just a thought.

      • Valde

        It looks like he’s spammed the same thing everywhere.

        It sounds ‘too sad to be true’ imo.

        • Jennifer Starr

          I’m hoping that it’s a story, because honestly I have never heard such a load of self-pitying garbage in all my life.

          • https://www.facebook.com/tidwell.christopher Christopher Tidwell

            It is all 100% True. I have done the talking and tried the understanding. I have a background in psychology. She was not a project, she was the first woman able to completely gain my trust again, when I thought it was impossible after being wrongfully convicted of coercion for a sex crime I didn’t commit.

          • Jennifer Starr

            Okay. Well assuming this is true like you said, I really don’t know what else I can tell you, because like it or not it was her decision to make–she was the one who was pregnant and for whatever reason she decided to terminate the pregnancy. You don’t and you shouldn’t have the right to make her stay pregnant against her will just for you. So you need to come to terms with that and find a way to move on, either with or without her, because wallowing in self-pity and broadcasting your angst on message boards doesn’t really appear to be getting you anywhere. And if you actually are suicidal maybe you need professional help before you do something. I’m sorry if you’re in pain but I really don’t know what else I can say.

          • Valde

            I love it when men whine about their ‘reproductive rights’.

            Yeah, you got a girl pregnant, therefore, her body now belongs to you.

          • fiona64

            I sense another one who’s full of more shit than a French goose …

          • https://www.facebook.com/tidwell.christopher Christopher Tidwell

            So what you are saying is that because she made irresponsible decisions and lied I should have to suffer from psychological trauma in a myriad of categories, for most likely the rest of my life. Whereas she on the other hand would have had to bear the risks of pregnancy and endure the discomfort (yes I know that is an understatement) for nine months and then whatever psychological effects for the rest of her life. I know seems kind of even right? Wrong, I was not aware of the risk of pregnancy. I could not have known what would come from it all. She did and made no effort to prevent it. She made the wrong decisions that led to her getting pregnant, therefore we let someone (who clearly demonstrated poor decision making skills and foresight) also make the extremely weighty and potentially devastating decision on wether to terminate the result? That seems highly illogical to me. I know I cannot speak against all abortion. Who am I to judge? Yet, in situations similar to mine the parent who wishes to keep the child should have a voice,

          • fiona64

            She made the wrong decisions that led to her getting pregnant, therefore
            we let someone (who clearly demonstrated poor decision making skills
            and foresight) also make the extremely weighty and potentially
            devastating decision on wether to terminate the result?

            And yet you see no dichotomy whatsoever in forcing a woman who “clearly demonstrate poor decision making skills” to have a child?

            What a joke.

          • Valde

            I am speechless at your complete self-absorption.

            Wow.

          • Jennifer Starr

            To be quite frank, unless you can actually be pregnant for her–and you can’t–no, I don’t think you should have a voice. A couple can have a child once it’s born, but only one person can actually be pregnant, and that person isn’t you. You can’t be responsible for her body; only she can. That’s why the decision must ber hers and hers alone. And what is this stuff about letting someone else make the decision to terminate? She made the decision–the doctor performed the procedure but he did not make the decision or force her into it. She made that choice and that’s called taking responsibility.

            I am not your shrink. And neither are you, no matter how much you claim to have studied it. But it seems to me that the only person who can cause you ‘psychological trauma in a myriad of categories for most likely the rest of your life’ is not your girlfriend. No that person is staring back at you in the mirror every day. You’re responsible for your own feelings. Not her. What I’m seeing here is a rather self-absorbed young man who’s pissed-off that his girlfriend made a decision that he didn’t like and is hanging around her (you did say you were still with her) in an attempt to drag her into his personal dramatic pity-party–‘Oh pity poor me, look what you did to me!’–threatening suicide and so forth. And because she won’t wallow with you, you choose to label her a sociopath and rant on message boards about how what a meanie she is, oh poor poor you. What you’re doing is called emotional blackmail, and it’s immature and emotionally abusive.

            Looking for tea and sympathy, someone to pat your head and commiserate with you? Sorry, pal, but it’s not going to be me. Assuming this story is in fact true, what you need is a good kick in the pants. And in the immortal words of my father, quit being a wussy, work through it and move on.

          • Valde

            I am betting that his complete and utter narcissism is why he’s so upset in the first place.

            How DARE she not accept HIS SPERM. How dare she not think IT’S THE BEST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED TO HER.

            The fact that someone would not want to ‘make babies’ with him has dealt a massive blow to his ego. That’s what this is all about. I’ve come across plenty of mine like this in my travels. It’s all about them and their precious genetic material.

          • Jennifer Starr

            Yeah, I’m seeing a lot of that with him too. He doesn’t seem to be concerned with his girlfriend–in this guy’s book it’s all about him.

          • https://www.facebook.com/tidwell.christopher Christopher Tidwell

            Actually I don’t mention her simply because she has flat out stated when i asked how she felt. ” nothing, but im sorry it hurt you” and gets furious that i ask, out of genuine concern but she thinks as do many of you i assume, that it is an attempt to make her feel guilty. trust me if i wanted to hurt her and make her a monster id post her name all over the net. yet you all still seem to miss the point. I was offering up my experiences , simply another perspective on the issue. without different views how would anyone ever learn anything? honestly I didn’t expect anyone to respond, but oh how you have. In nothing but personal attacks on me and my character, how very righteous to debase a persons feelings who is truly in every since of the word feeling grief. So I posted to try and maybe give people something to think about. Notice I chose not to hurl any insults. I am certain though that if we were discussing a situation where she had post partum after a happy pregnancy and all of a sudden she smothered it everything would be a hell of a lot different. I guess THAT is my problem, i don’t seem to understand how a newborn or even adult is not the same as a child in the womb. Same genetic architecture right? Same bodily functions right? Someone please explain to me the major fucking difference here. Because if someone were to walk around stabbing pregnant women who already had appointments for their abortions then according to your logic its only one count of battery with a deadly weapon or attempted murder right? Not two counts of attempted murder right? and yet in this country a young man gave his girlfriend a pharmaceutical drug that will and did end a pregnancy prematurely and is charged with murder. Again this all seems highly illogical and inconsistent. My apologies if my logical mind prohibits me from acting and thinking like a rational human being.

          • Jennifer Starr

            You’re not trying to hurt her, make her feel guilty or make her out to be a monster–do me a favor. In the past week or so you’ve posted on here and on lifesitenews about how she’s made you suicidal every day, how you want to leave her but she’s ‘emotionally crippled’ poor, poor you, made it impossible for you to ever have children. How you’ve been so ‘patient’ ‘loving’ and ‘kind’ to her but she was so mean, you’ve called her irresponsible, a liar and a sociopath.How is she a sociopath,exactly? Because she didn’t want to be pregnant? Because she’s comfortable with her decision and doesn’t feel the same way you do?

            Admit it. You’re not staying with her because she’s made you an ‘emotional cripple’. No. It’s not her fault you can’t move on. You’re staying with her because you choose to, so you can continue to lay this guilt trip on her ‘see how bad you’ve hurt me, refusing my sperm–I’ll make you sorry!’ You post about wanting to commit suicide because you want to make her hurt and worry about you. I had a friend who dated a guy who threatened suicide every time she tried to leave him–trust me, I know how that game goes. The fact that you haven’t posted her name is irrelevant–it still doesn’t change the fact that what you’re doing is called emotional blackmail. You could at least be honest about it–if not to us, then to yourself.

          • fiona64

            I had a friend who dated a guy who threatened suicide every time she tried to leave him–trust me, I know how that game goes.

            Hell, I was engaged to a guy who pulled that crap. The last time he did it, walking out of the bathroom with his wrists dripping blood, I told him to get a couple of band-aids before he left, because I would now be too busy cleaning the carpet to be bothered with him.

            Emotional blackmail is something for which I have very little patience as a result of that experience.

          • https://www.facebook.com/tidwell.christopher Christopher Tidwell

            You know, it’s amazing how random people can pass judgement on someone simply because they have a keyboard and an internet connection.

            There are other events in our lives besides this one. Those are what allow me to accurately label her a sociopath. Not as a derogatory term you see, but as an accurate label of someone suffering from a mental illness. Just as it would be accurate to label myself as suffering from a mental illness called manic depressive disorder.

            Mostly I am still with her because I genuinely care for her well being, as hard as that may be for you people to believe. I do actually love her more than anyone else in my life. I hang around because I worry about her constantly. She is the reason my life has purpose. To see her smile, laugh, simply happy. You see I know the life shes lived. You do not. You do not know the life we have lived together. Or the likely path she will take without someone to stand by her. So do not pretend to be so intuitively perceptive as to know, absolutely, that I am just some egocentric power tripping man who must simply manipulate to Impose his will upon some small helpless woman who hasn’t the courage to leave for fear of what might happen to him. I have had that conversation with her. I do not need her nor does she need me, yes I have been crippled, well let’s say hobbled by something that, apparently I have no right to feel emotion over. Why I should not be hurt by this is a mystery to me. If she had miscarried would I also be not allowed to feel pain in your eyes? Your supposed logic is anything but, I am not saying that you are wrong , just illogical. I realize that this world will never fit the pattern that my mind thinks it should fit. A logical one where the needs of the whole outweigh the wants of the self. Unfortunately those societies are nonexistent, almost. I do not try to force the world to follow the logical patterns I perceive. I only try to understand why our species fights so hard against such a simple concept. I am understanding more and understanding less every day. I believe that at the root of it is this. We are all selfish. So pass your judgement hurl your insults and feel proud that you did your very best to demean one mans pain anf in the process revealed the hate and disregard for other people in your hearts. You care not about the women, only about your own voices and to be agreed with. How empty you must truly feel. For that I am sincerely apologetic. Whatever made you grow so cold in your hearts? I hope you find your own happiness some day. You will not force me away from mine anymore. Now if you excuse me we are taking her nieces to the park. Good luck.

          • Wendigo

            If she is a (suspected) sociopath and you’re a (suspected) manic-depressive, why would you willing create a potential child that would inherit those traits? What part of that makes you think you would be a good genetic father where your want for a family outweighs the fact that your theoretical child would be destined to have severe mental problems in an unstable household where the mother didn’t even want it in the first place?

          • cjvg

            Wait, her siblings let her, recovering drug addict and sociopath, and you, a convicted sexual predator and manic depressive with suicidal tendencies who expressed a wish for a gun and razorblades, take their little girls to the park?!

            Please do not go anywhere with those little girls without supervision from stable adults!

          • Jennifer Starr

            Okay, assuming this is is all true, and let’s also assume that your background in studying psychology in any way qualifies you to make a clinical diagnosis of your girlfriend as a sociopath, though it actually does not. By sociopath I take it that you’re referring to someone with anti-social personality disorder–someone without a conscience? Additionally you’ve described her as someone incapable of understanding compassion and a person who is not capable of functioning outside a drug culture. Now let’s review what we know about you. You’ve said that you’re manic-depressive,you’ve told us that you’re suicidal on a daily basis, and we know that you’re a registered sex offender with a criminal record. Forgive me for saying so, but neither of you sound like you’re fit to parent a hampster or even a small goldfish, let alone a baby. And your situation sounds like an extremely unhealthy atmosphere for any child to be raised in. I suspect that your girlfriend knew these things and I suspect that’s why she made the choice to end the pregnancy.

          • Jennifer Starr

            And I don’t recall ever saying that you’re not allowed to have any feelings about your situation. Of course you’re allowed to have feelings. All I ever said was that you need to find a way to move past it, and you need to accept your girlfriend’s choice, and that she, being the one who was pregnant, had the right to make that decision. Furthermore, I am not, nor have I ever been ‘forcing you away from your happiness’. Only you can do that. And only you can continue to wallow in the morass of self-pity that you seem to have put yourself into. No one else is responsible for your feelings, Christopher–no one but you.

          • Valde

            cjvg nailed him pretty well

            the guy is a narcissist who won’t take responsibility for his own actions

            it’s everyone else’s fault all the time

          • Valde

            Abortion
            is by definition not infanticide. I already covered this earlier – If
            an infant and a fetus were the same thing, then abortion wouldn’t be an
            issue – The “infant” could be removed and put up for adoption.

          • Jennifer Starr

            I thought I’d explained this before, but I’ll do it again. The difference between pregnancy and having a born baby is pretty clear. Once a baby is born, anyone can look after that baby. You, your girlfriend, her parents, your parents, anyone. But only one person can be pregnant–only one person can assume those risks with their life, health, etc. While the woman is pregnant, no one else can assume those risks for her–not you, not anyone. That’s why the decision belongs to her and only her. The fact that you contributed sperm does not and should not give you dominion over her body. You don’t and shouldn’t have the right to force her to carry the pregnancy any more than you should have the right to force her to end it. I don’t know how much more clearly and logically I can state this.

          • fiona64

            I guess THAT is my problem, i don’t seem to understand how a newborn or even adult is not the same as a child in the womb.

            Then I suggest a return to Biology 101.

          • cjvg

            Uh, no, you might want to read up on the whole subject.
            It just does not look good if you are not even aware how long an actual pregnancy is, how dangerous child birth and pregnancy can be, or how fetal development works, but you want a child sooooo badly!

          • cjvg

            Just because you made no effort at all to take responsibility for your own contraception, that does not mean you can blame her for your choice not to use any!

            You can blame her for her own choices not to use contraception, but you are squarely responsible for yours not to use any either!

            Bit hypocritical to blame her for her choice and yours and then to claim you did not know better!

            Also you feel you are traumatized but you have no problem with the fact that you find it totally acceptable that she should have chosen to stay pregnant and go through childbirth against her will!

            That is pretty traumatizing for her, and with her background could have easily resulted in severe postpartum depression or PTSD.

          • fatherhoodlost

            You people have no Idea what I am or who I am. None of you have any basis for questioning my being father material or not. When did I ever state that I did not care for her well being or that how she felt did not matter to me? It mattered extremely. I am the one who drove her to the clinic. I am also the one who took care of her for two days afterwards. I did have all of the resources necessary to provide for her and our child, not to mention what would have been required to raise it myself . I have asked time and time again “why?” not in accusation but in an effort to understand. Excuse me if “just cus I don’t wanna” is not an acceptable excuse for a complete disregard for my feelings and thoughts on the issue. How many of you would feel that that was acceptable if men chose not to pay child support? As far as not accepting responsibility, what need would I have to use contraception in a relationship that I believed was completely exclusive and have been told that pregnancy is not possible? How then was I irresponsible? Was I to try and dig up medical records? Should I have used condoms anyway and displayed a complete lack of trust to the one person I did trust? As to my conviction. let me give you some more ammo. I was arrested for Contempt of Court: Failure To Comply . I did not complete my classes for a DUI I had obtained. There was not sufficient evidence to issue a warrant for my arrest on the sex crimes. The original charges by the way were Sexual Assault w/ a deadly weapon Carrying a sentence of 10-Life and Sexual Battery w/ a deadly weapon resulting in substantial bodily harm. That’s 25 to life. Yet somehow I a violent sexual predator was only convicted of Coercion a crime carrying a max sentence of 1-10 years. Yet sentenced to only 1-4 years and served 27 months. Hmm… something doesn’t seem right here does it??? Either the state of Nevada severely screwed up or maybe, just maybe, the state realized something was wrong and decided they couldn’t ruin a young man’s life. This state which is one of the hardest on sex offenders just passed a law called Denison’s law named for the rape victim Brianna Denison that enables them to compell a DNA sample from anyone charged with a felony of any sort. It wouldn’t do to have this case that they thought was a slam dunk high-profile case just dismissed now would it? How would the political agenda be served?? Good Luck trying to justify that new law you want passed. I am innocent of any and all sex crimes and crimes against women. To further slander my name when you have not even the slightest clue of the circumstances is the highest level of ignorance. Please though, stand on your soap box and continue to belittle a man you know less than nothing about. Show your friends and family how much a champion of the greater good you are. You care not for life or the quality contained therein. You care only to try and impress upon those of weaker intellect how grand and righteous you are. All the while the real crime remains, that in modern society there are people who seek help and answers publicly and those who say they are for the good choose to pour out their derision and vehement hatred simply to compound their pain. I only hope that whatever happened in your lives to make you so black and full of hatred finds peace with you. Barring that, I hope that your ignorant self righteous ways of thinking does not infect the minds of others.

          • cjvg

            So why should she be the one who needs to take contraception if it is an exclusive relationship?
            Why should that be her responsibility, and if you let it be her responsibility you have no right to complain if she takes whatever measures she needs!
            You have not once expressed any concern for her, only derision of her character and her morality etc.
            You have gone on and one about your needs, wants, injured feelings etc etc.
            you can’t blame the reader for concluding you do not care one whit what she needs or thinks and it is all about you since that is all you have displayed
            Only 25% of REPORTED rapes get ever arrested, only 2-3% of those rapist ever serve a single day in jail, you would not be the first or second or 100rd or 10000 or 5 million man who got a lesser charge or was completely dismissed, the odds are overwhelmingly in your favor.
            You have told us plenty about you and only you, apparently the supposed love of your live needed no other introduction then , sociopath, ex druggie, immoral, and self centered to describe her in your opinion.
            You have also not spend even a second of your prolific writing on the needs of that child you want, only on your needs and wants.
            The only thing you have displayed is a overwhelming narcissism and navel gazing, why should anyone conclude from that that you would be a good father?!

          • Jennifer Starr

            “You people have no Idea what I am or who I am. None of you have any basis for questioning my being father material or not.”

            You’ve told us that your girlfriend is a sociopath with a drug-addiction issue, and you’ve stated that you yourself are manic-depressive and borderline suicidal practically on a daily basis. You have a criminal record and in all probability she does as well. Does this sound like parenting material to you? Because it sure doesn’t
            to me. Granted, no one is perfect, but the issues you two have are more than a little extreme.

            “When did I ever state that I did not care for her well being or
            that how she felt did not matter to me?”

            Well, seeing as how everything has been about you, and about your feelings and thoughts, and you think that you should have been able toforce your girlfriend to carry an unwanted pregnancy in her body for 9-10 months regardless of how she feels about it, yeah—you have given us that impression.

            “It mattered extremely. I am the one who drove her to the clinic. I am also the one who took care of her for two days afterwards. I did have all of the resources necessary to provide for her and our child, not to mention what would have been required to raise it myself . I have asked time and time again “why?” not in accusation but in an effort to understand. Excuse me if “just cus I don’t wanna” is not an acceptable excuse for a complete disregard for my
            feelings and thoughts on the issue.”

            Yes, saintly patient, ‘nice guy’ you. Not wanting to be pregnant
            is a pretty valid reason for wishing to have an abortion. I’m sorry it doesn’t satisfy your need to have everything fit into your unique logical paradigm, but until you can actually be pregnant, tough beans.

            “How many of you would feel that that was acceptable if men
            chose not to pay child support?”

            I have a friend who has to interrogate her step-children to
            track down the father of her son so that he can make some small contribution to his medical expenses, and even when she manages to get him to cough up a small amount to help he’s still several thousand in arrears. So that’s an apples and
            oranges analogy because unless you’re in the military, child support enforcement is a joke.

            “As far as not accepting responsibility, what need would I have
            to use contraception in a relationship that I believed was completely exclusive and have been told that pregnancy is not possible? How then was I irresponsible? Was I to try and dig up medical records? Should I have used condoms anyway and displayed a complete lack of trust to the one person I did trust?”

            I don’t suppose that it ever occurred to you that your girlfriend
            may have honestly believed that she couldn’t get pregnant and that she didn’t mislead you? That’s happened plenty of times before. Birth control can fail. Even sterilization can potentially fail, and people can get pregnant even when they’ve been told they can’t. Condoms don’t display a ‘lack of trust’—they’re a responsible thing to use and a good preventative measure.

            “As to my conviction. let me give you some more ammo. I was arrested for Contempt of Court: Failure To Comply . I did not complete my classes for a DUI I had obtained.”

            I suppose the DUI and the failure to complete your classes as
            ordered wasn’t your fault either—you’ll tell us that someone put the drinks in your hand and forced you to drive at gunpoint and then forgot to take you to your classes. Because nothing in your
            little world seems to be your fault, ever. This is what we mean by not taking responsibility, Christopher.

            “There was not sufficient evidence to issue a warrant for my
            arrest on the sex crimes. The original charges by the way were Sexual Assault w/ a deadly weapon Carrying a sentence of 10-Life and Sexual Battery w/ a
            deadly weapon resulting in substantial bodily harm. That’s 25 to life. Yet somehow I a violent sexual predator was only convicted of Coercion a crime carrying a max sentence of 1-10 years. Yet sentenced to only 1-4 years and served 27 months. Hmm… something doesn’t seem right here does it???”

            There are lots of reasons why charges are reduced. And lack of charges due to insufficient evidence does not mean innocent. It simply means what it says—not enough evidence. In the case of sex crimes evidence is often insufficient due to a variety of factors.

            “Either the state of Nevada severely screwed up or maybe, just
            maybe, the state realized something was wrong and decided they couldn’t ruin a young man’s life. This state which is one of the hardest on sex offenders just passed a law called Denison’s law named for the rape victim Brianna Denison that enables them to compell a DNA sample from anyone charged with a felony of
            any sort. It wouldn’t do to have this case that they thought was a slam dunk high-profile case just dismissed now would it? How would the political agenda be served?? Good Luck trying to justify that new law you want passed. I am innocent of any and all sex crimes and crimes against women. To further slander my name when you have not even the slightest clue of the circumstances is the highest level of ignorance.”

            Personally, I think Denison’s law is fine—not only could it help
            to find a guilty party who has gone unpunished but it could potentially also free someone who has been wrongfully imprisoned. So good all the way around in my book.

            And yes, we all know the drill here. Nothing is ever Christopher’s fault—he’s always the victim of circumstance who just stumbles into criminal situations and big bad policemen and prosecutors who just want to be mean to him for no particular reason. Because one understands how special and intelligent he is and everyone is so cruel to him, and so-on and forth, repeat ad nauseum. Yeah it’s getting a little old here.

            “Please though, stand on your soap box and continue to belittle
            a man you know less than nothing about. Show your friends and family how much a champion of the greater good you are. You care not for life or the quality contained therein. You care only to try and impress upon those of weaker intellect how grand and righteous you are. All the while the real crime remains, that in modern society there are people who seek help and answers
            publicly and those who say they are for the good choose to pour out their derision and vehement hatred simply to compound their pain. I only hope that whatever happened in your lives to make you so black and full of hatred finds peace with you. Barring that, I hope that your ignorant self righteous ways of thinking does not infect the minds of others.”

            Again if you want help, go see a therapist or seek a support
            group. The only person who can keep you unhappy and in pain, is you, and the only one who can improve your life is you. It’s all up to you.

          • Valde

            Oh god, not this psycho again.

          • fiona64

            Oh, of course you were wrongfully convicted! @@ <– Those are my eyes rolling.

            One of the things I learned a long time ago is that there no guilty ex-cons … just ask them.

          • https://www.facebook.com/tidwell.christopher Christopher Tidwell

            I have committed a lot of crimes in my past, and am guilty for all of them, I accepted responsibility for my crimes and did what I was required and then some. I have never lain a finger on any female in a violent manner. I was accused by a mentally ill woman whos son had committed suicide, after I went to prison she subsequently committed suicide after her husband’s death was labeled “suspicious”. She left a trail of innocent victims in her wake and I was unfortunate enough to be one of them. My simple purpose in posting my story was simply to illustrate that leaving an abortion decision solely to the woman can have ramifications just as (if not more) serious as the complication risks of pregnancy. Simply as a solution to avoid responsibility (that we impose upon ourselves) abortion should not be allowed. There are other avenues that are available. Do you feel that it is wasteful to throw away an uneaten meal because there are “Starving people in…?”. If not, imagine that the starving person helped you prepare it.

          • fiona64

            leaving an abortion decision solely to the woman can have ramifications
            just as (if not more) serious as the complication risks of pregnancy.

            And your “story” is irrelevant. Why? Because you will never bear the risks to life and limb that come with pregnancy. That is why your nonsense that men should have a say is just that: nonsense>

            Tell you what, Christopher: please feel free to gestate any pregnancies that occur within your body. I’ll not deny you the right to do so.

            And your little “analogy” about the starving person helping you prepare food? Doesn’t really work. It’s the most stupid straw man I’ve ever seen in more than a decade of pro-choice advocacy … and believe me, that’s saying something.

          • cjvg

            So you were convicted without any proof except the word of a mentally ill woman?
            Next time ask for an attorney, there is such a thing as public defenders if you have no money!

    • cjvg

      Wow, thank goodness she had an abortion, you are clearly extremely unstable, co-dependent and a narcissist and you identify her as a sociopath that you can’t live without (co-dependent) and former drug addict with self esteem issues and a warped world view.
      Exactly the kind of people who should NOT be in charge of a helpless child!

    • ChristineIam

      I hope your girlfriend finds the strength to leave you ASAP. Based on what you say HERE, I am sure that what you say TO her is 1000 times worse. She definitely made the right decision, for HER. Your ‘feelings’ are selfish, controlling, narcissistic, disrespectful, to HER, and completely irrelevant. Good day, sir!
      (Edited for typo)