They Are Coming for Your Birth Control: None of My Friends Use Contraception and They Are Happier Than You


Think that anti-choice politicians and activists aren’t trying to outlaw contraception? Think again. Follow along in an ongoing series that proves beyond a doubt that they really are coming for your birth control.

“All of my friends are doing it!” is the sort of argument that many of us who parent try to discourage in our children. Yet in the land of the anti-choice extremist, that same rhetorical device is used to justify opposing birth control. After all, if no one you know is using it, and they all seem happy with their choice, that must mean anyone who does use it is wrong.

So says John Jalsevac, Managing Editor of LifesiteNews. In a post-Valentine’s Day assault on common sense, Jalsevac points to his own small, self-selected study group to infer that using birth control and especially condoms is a sign that you lack commitment to your partner. He’s an expert, after all, since everyone he knows practices the art of abstinence and self-control to prevent pregnancies and sexually-transmitted infections (STIs).

You see, I have been very fortunate to live amongst people where Valentine’s Day has as much to do with casual sex and condoms as it does with…I don’t know…golf, I guess. The vast majority of my friends waited until getting married to live with each other or to have sex. Most of them have happily welcomed children into their lives within the first few years of marriage. And almost none of them have ever used any form of birth control, instead relying upon self-control and the extremely effective natural family planning methods to space their children, if necessary. And the abortion rate? Non-existent.  

It’s a different way of thinking and living than the norm, I grant you. But from what I’ve seen, these friends have far more stable and happy marriages than just about anybody who has bought into the Planned Parenthood lie. Nor is this surprising. After all, if you view condom-wearing as the “ultimate sign of love,” what are the chances that you’ll be able to muster the strength of character to stick by your spouse when things like personality differences, sickness, financial misfortune and children come along? Slim to none.

On the one hand, Jalsavec at least admits that his circle isn’t “the norm,” so that is a small victory. But sadly, his very selective worldview is what is being imposed not just in the de-funding of family planning centers that offer financial assistance for contraception but also in the many schools who offer a “no touch ever” form of abstinence-only education that is causing STI rates to skyrocket out of belief that condoms actually are harmful instead of helpful in sexual encounters.

Yes, STI rates are increasing. They are increasing at the same time that an attack on the use of condoms is obviously intensifying. To deny that the two are linked is as biased as to assume that because everyone you come into contact with manages to “space their children, if necessary” that there is no need for forms of birth control for the rest of the sexually active world who don’t believe that a child ever year or two is a perfectly acceptable result for having a sexual relationship with their partners.

So, run out a get a handful of condoms for yourself, because they too are under attack by the zealots coming for your birth control.

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  • http://www.facebook.com/kelsey.collierwise Kelsey Collier-Wise

    “And the abortion rate? Like they would tell my judgmental ass!”

  • Went Rogue

    Men often use this exact shaming to coerce their partners into skipping a condom — if she’s asking for a condom, she must be cheating on him.

  • Rachel

    If his friends know he’s anti-BC and anti-abortion, would they ever dare tell him they use BC or have had an abortion? And how does he go about asking them these questions?

    I’m curious how many conservative wives use BC and don’t inform their husbands. I’d bet good money it’s most of them. Especially the ones married to people like Mr. Jalsevac. As long as they don’t know about, they can plead ignorance to it.

    Why does condom use automatically equate to unfaithful, multi-partner promiscuity?

    Seedier districts of the internet. HA. What a special bubble this guy lives in (which is in Canada, apparently).

    • PH Student

      I was wondering the same. I’m getting an MPH in MCH, so I’m more interested in this topic than probably your typical person, but I could only tell you the birth control methods that maybe five of my closest friends are using. And I have no idea about abortions. It’s not exactly a topic for a dinner party. And I would imagine that if this guy is hanging out with people like him, it’s absolutely not a topic they would feel comfortable freely and openly discussing.

      I have heard his argument before, though. I am a La Leche League leader and once made the mistake of attending a session at a breastfeeding conference that was supposed to be about the Lactation Amenorrhea Method but ended up being taught by someone trained to be an instructor in the Catholic Church’s NFP method (incidentally, the same woman who had had to recuse herself from my application because I’d worked for Planned Parenthood). She went into inappropriate and unnecessary detail about how when she and her husband were young and hanging out with friends who also practiced Catholic NFP you could always tell who was able to go home and have sex because they would leave early and make a big deal about it.

      • HeilMary1

        I promise you that these “happy” husbands are either closet gays or getting it on the side like my dad and cheating Catholic gay-basher ex-Sen. Pete Domenici, father of 8 legitimate and 1 admitted illegitimate offspring, whose half-age mistress, Michelle Laxalt, proclaimed their adultery as “sacred” in The Washington Post! Perhaps Pete felt justified in cheating because his brood mare suffered childbirth incontinence.

        Yeah, Jalsavec, nothin’ says lovin’ like DEAD brood mares and stinky obstetric incontinence!

        And since women ovulate 2 and 3 times per month, NFP is medical malpractice.

        • dakota923

          Something is wrong with your sources if they’re telling you that women ovulate 2 and 3 times per month!

  • z3ncat

    What jumps out at me is his reference to ‘personality differences’ as an invalid reason to end a relationship. I can understand – not necessarily agree with, but understand – considering ‘sickness, financial misfortune and children’ as invalid reasons to end a relationship, especially if both parties have vowed before others to stick together for better or for worse. But ‘personality differences’? That can be… pretty big. And while sickness, financial misfortune, and children usually come later in a relationship, irreconcilable personality differences would normally come up earlier – in my personal experience, at least. So how quickly are these people making legal/official commitments to each other – or is this jerk just assuming that the second two people start a relationship, it must automatically require the kind of commitment that a long-term, serious relationship does?

    • keefers42

      if its not gonna be long term don’t have sex sex is not a game sex is for love and commitment

      • SamMcCall

        I hope you’re being sarcastic. Sex is fun. Just make sure to always use a condom if not in a monogamous relationship due to the risk of STIs.

      • http://www.facebook.com/al.murphy.902 Eden Murphy

        For you maybe. But why is your way the only “right way? The only sex you should be concerned about is your own. Spare us the preaching.

      • bj_survivor

        Would it really hurt to use commas, semicolons, or periods?

        Actually, sex is very pleasurable, life-affirming, and lots and lots of fun! Especially when there is no fear of an unwanted/untenable pregnancy or STD, both of which are drastically reduced in incidence with the use of modern technologies. Ain’t science grand?!!

      • Heathen5701

        Why? There is no reason that sex cannot be done just because it is a very pleasurable activity where both partners have a good time? If both partners are willing and nobody else will be hurt, why shouldn’t they?

        • bj_survivor

          Devout Catholicism/Christianity: The fear that someone, somewhere, may be having a good time.

      • http://twitter.com/JenGStarr Jennifer Starr

        My parents have been married 42 years–an active sex life–and yes, they used birth control because three was all they wanted. They’re still just as much in love as they were the first day they were married. Is that long term enough for you?

        • bj_survivor

          That’s totes NOT acceptable. Marriage and sex and, really, one’s whole life should just be grimly endured, because…..Jesus suffered…..Or some such shit. Who knows with wingnuts and fundies?

      • Mindy McIndy

        Me and my wife are both women, and we have sex all of the time for love and commitment and don’t have to worry about pesky things like pregnancy. Perhaps we’re the one really doing it right.

        • Heathen5701

          Congrats on finding your mate. Not everyone is so lucky.

      • http://www.facebook.com/amanda.kazarian Amanda Kazarian

        Ok Keefers. I’ll stop having sex with my husband because you told me to. Or better, I’ll pass down my mood disorder of violent mood swings and auditory hallucinations so that YOUR TAX DOLLARS will pay for their mental health treatment. Lord knows I won’t be able to. God I just can’t handle stupid right now.

      • Dezzydez

        Save that advice for your own life. Sex can be a fun game or whatever you want as long as it is consentual and safe. Who made you the authority of sex anyways?

  • http://twitter.com/whichcrafty Lynnsey

    I don’t understand this whole line of thinking. I once had an anti on Twitter tell me that I “didn’t trust my husband” because I use hormonal birth control. I don’t see how not wanting to get pregnant as often as biologically possible = no trust. Am I supposed to “trust “his sperm?

    • z3ncat

      You should be willing to have a child every time you have sex with your husband. You’re CLEARLY only using HBC because you’re afraid that you’ll get pregnant with one of your many lovers’ children and that’s how your husband will find out that you’re an adulterous whore.

      • http://twitter.com/whichcrafty Lynnsey

        I know, right? We should have at least 4 or 5 by now. It must be my wanton ways.

        The sad part is that I had to go and check out your other comments to make sure that you weren’t serious, because there ARE actually people who believe that.

        • z3ncat

          I’m waiting for the day when someone comes up with a ‘sarcasm’ text effect. And yes, you’re a wanton harlot.

          • http://twitter.com/whichcrafty Lynnsey

            I do what I can.

          • HeilMary1

            LOL!

      • http://www.facebook.com/Feral.9.Hex Carla Clark

        Nah, they’re just afraid that she’ll be able to enjoy consensual sex with her husband without being punished for it. Dontchaknow? Consensual sex is only for MEN.

    • http://twitter.com/JenGStarr Jennifer Starr

      This kind of thinking baffles me too. I was once told that birth control allows a man to use me without regard or responsibility??? Does that even begin to make sense?

      • bj_survivor

        In Wingnutopia, men never left their pregnant wives or
        girlfriends or entire dependent families, because they understood their
        masculine role as protector and moral guide. They would never force or
        coerce their wives/girlfriends to have sex that resulted in unwanted
        pregnancy because they respected women sooooo much in the good old days.
        It was only with the advent of reliable contraception that men could
        begin to demand that women have sex with them, because they could now
        assume that she was taking those slut pills and thus had no excuse to
        refrain from carnal rutting. All evidence to the contrary is just
        pro-death propaganda or the slut brought it upon herself. /nearly choked
        on my vomit

      • http://twitter.com/whichcrafty Lynnsey

        I know I find it very hurtful that my husband wants to be able to enjoy intimacy with me without constantly subjecting me to pregnancy. I feel so disregarded. *facepalm*

        We’re quite fertile. If we weren’t using contraception we’d have at least 5 kids instead of 2 by now. No thank you.

        • HeilMary1

          Yes, isn’t it insulting that your “holy sperm bank” prefers you over the teen babysitter or the local escorts kept busy by priests and NFP husbands?!

          • http://twitter.com/whichcrafty Lynnsey

            Exactly. I’ll never understand how deciding between a football team of children and a sexless marriage is meant to make a couple “happier.”

            Also, I think I’m going to ask the husband if he objects to me calling him my “holy sperm bank.” Because that is fabulous.

          • HeilMary1

            Thanks! I think someone else here posted something funny about “sperm banks too big to fail”.

  • keefers42

    abortion is murder plain and simple we have be come so selfish human life does not matter just more sex and what IWANT

    • SamMcCall

      Go away you misogynistic troll.

    • bj_survivor

      Nope, it’s not. Or that would mean that spontaneous abortion (aka “miscarriage”) would be involuntary or negligent homicide. Not even your holy book considers it murder.

      But, in any event, this article is talking about contraception, and not abortion. Forced-birthers, of course, conflate the two, because they don’t actually care about actually stopping (which abortion bans don’t do) or reducing the incidence of abortion (which contraception clearly and indisputably does), but only wish to control women.

    • http://www.facebook.com/al.murphy.902 Eden Murphy

      I’d say it’s far more selfish to expect others to live by your personal beliefs.

      • http://www.facebook.com/Feral.9.Hex Carla Clark

        Actually, that would be greed, and THAT, unlike selfishness, IS a sin.

    • http://www.facebook.com/al.murphy.902 Eden Murphy

      Obviously you are coming from the point of view that the only time a woman would seek an abortion is because she is lazy or gosh darn it she wants to wear skinny jeans rather than become a mother. That’s complete nonsense. It should be painful to have such a tiny, narrow mind. I guess what you want is to punish people you perceive to be “selfish”. Isn’t that all about what YOU want? Why are you so damned special?

      • HeilMary1

        Don’t you know? — he’s a sanctified pedophile priest who needs fresh victims at our expense!

    • HeilMary1

      Face it: fetuses grossly maim and murder billions of mothers; therefore, ALL abortions are self-defense.

    • Heathen5701

      In all your rhetoric you have yet to lay a single bit of concern for the woman you wish to force to become an incubator to a child you forget about as soon as it comes out the birth canal.

      How about those who will certainly die without an abortion like in Phoenix, AZ? Then there are the ones like the girl in Brazil who was impregnated after repeated rape by her stepfather with twins that surely would have killed the 8 year old? Or the girl in Ireland who was too small and young to carry the baby but had to fight to get to England? Or the woman who died from (treatable) cancer because the staff couldn’t give her the chemo because the law said they couldn’t take a chance harming her 10 week old fetus?

      Your side are pro-fetus without regard for the women you are treating as slaves and worse. Pro-life, my white, somewhat hairy butt. You disgust me.

    • Dezzydez

      No it is not. If you think it is, do not have one. Do not think for one second you have the right to force your views onto me or any other woman.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1620535967 Elaine Walkden

      Where, exactly, did abortion come into this topic, Mr. No Punctuation?

    • http://www.facebook.com/Feral.9.Hex Carla Clark

      Yeah, and you’re all up in arms about abortion because it means you, a man, can’t have more of what YOU want, while denying it to women. Misogynistic troll.

  • SamMcCall

    I use the Paragard IUD. I love it. No worries about getting pregnant for up to 12 years. Nothing is foolproof, except abstinence, which ain’t gonna happen in a happy marriage. So if they try coming for my birth control, they will literally have to rip it out of my body. And off to prison they shall go. Besides, not everyone wants kids. And sex is NOT just for procreation. If it was, why would God give women the only organ in the body that is purely for sexual pleasure? Wow. The ignorance of these nutjobs.

    • z3ncat

      There’s a whole list of other ways our biology would be significantly different if sex was just for procreation, too.

  • http://www.facebook.com/al.murphy.902 Eden Murphy

    Oh yes, I’m sure all of his friends report to him regularly about their private sex lives and family decision making process. Otherwise how would he be such an authority on it? Sarcasm aside. Well schmucks like this guys rant about ‘self control” they are actually condemning women who enjoy sex. Men have never been chastised for lack of “self control”…why that’s just dudely hijinx but when a chick does it she’s obviously a slut with no self control.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=592350113 Ellen Willcox

    My family is very fertile – even with nursing my children it is likely that my husband and I would be the exhausted, overworked , in debt parents of 20 + children – even with attempting to use the rhythm method. The invention of dependable birth control permitted women to enter the work force, permitted women to have children when they felt able to care for them, to feed, clothe and nurture them thru their lives. Having more children then you can afford to care for condemns the family and the children to poverty and to very cranky parents. Those against b.c. also are against early childhood education, also against WIC programs, food stamps, against all programs that help these families. Over population, deforestation, global warming -we have huge problems – let’s use our energies to deal with those problems -

    • HeilMary1

      A Canadian study proved many women ovulate 2 and 3 times per month.

      • dakota923

        This study — published in the July 2003 issue of the Journal of Fertility and Sterility — was widely misreported in the news. Researchers at the University of Saskatchewan in Canada discovered that hormonal changes thought to happen in the ovary just before ovulation actually happen at other times of the month as well. The follicles that deliver a mature egg to the surface of the ovary were thought to develop once a cycle — just before ovulation. The researchers discovered that these egg-delivery systems can actually develop in waves at other times of your cycle. But this doesn’t mean that you ovulate more than once a cycle.

  • http://twitter.com/CarlaScHolloway CarlaSchmidtHolloway

    I use Nuvaring. In the past my husband and I have also used condoms. I assure you we are very happy. The nerve of this piece of crap saying that using birth control shows weak character, it makes me want to SCREAM. But what really gets me is knowing that no matter how you respond, he’ll take it as evidence that he’s right. I’m outraged? Obviously I’m not *really* happy. I laugh it off? I’m smug and bashing other people’s choices. I ignore him? I’m ignorant; I’m in denial. No matter how long my marriage lasts, how healthy and well-adjusted our children will be, people like this will always see an anvil hanging over us. Not only do they predict divorce, but if it were to happen, they’ll obviously jump on a bullshit post hoc ergo propter hoc conclusion that our use of birth control was the cause. And of course, they see no possible good reasons for a divorce either; only people of “weak character” get divorced. This guy needs to shut his mouth.

    • HeilMary1

      This creep obviously ignores the high adultery, divorce and annulment rate for anti-choice Catholic GOP PLAYBOYS like Randall Terry, Newt Gingrich, Henry Hyde and Deal Hudson.

  • pi31415

    This sounds like the kind of nonsense an abusive partner would use to keep his/her partner in line: “If you loved me, if you were truly committed to me, you wouldn’t expect me to wear/use a condom.”

    • bj_survivor

      And my reply has always been “no glove, no love, pookie.” Sadly, too many women buy into the acculturation that we must submit to men’s whims because we will be lonely, crazy cat ladies if we express a contrary opinion or have any self-respect.

      • pi31415

        You betcha. I’d rather be a crazy cat lady than be stuck with a man who had no respect for me or my well-being.

        • bj_survivor

          No way! There is far more joy in being some douchetanic’s doormat.

  • http://twitter.com/insatiabldesire Rayne Millaray

    Dude, people are calling you the devil. You’ve arrived.

  • RobinQ

    A separation of sex and state is called for.

    • HeilMary1

      And a separation of church and sex!

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  • Frank Collins

    Those “friends”, imaginary, liars, and/or few in number. Abstinence-only education and restricting access to family planning are ineffective because people don’t wait to file documents in order to have sex. That means, “you don’t need those satanic condoms, pray Jesus makes your wood go away”, turns into stds and unwanted pregnancy, which doesn’t make for “stable and happy marriages”. There doesn’t need to be a “one or the other” approach, unless you had an agenda to push religious dogma *bingo*. They don’t care about health, they want to please “god” by forcing everyone to live by their rules. “Got an std? Too bad, Jesus didn’t like that you had sex.” That reprehensible idea has no place in public policy discussions.

  • http://www.facebook.com/carolina.prudom Carolina Prudom

    Of course they’re happy….don’t you know http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=47jWH18Up6Y

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1620535967 Elaine Walkden

    I am on BCP because without taking it, I have ovarian pain each month plus severe acne. If I didn’t have these problems, I’d not be taking them and instead opting to get myself permanently sterlized. I don’t want children nor particularly like them, either. My husband and I have been together over 10 years now, I’m happy with him and we have never “strayed”.