Taking The Fall: How Eve Covered for Adam


God and the Holy Spirit:

            “Damnit!” God muttered as he paced the floor of His heavenly office. “After all I have done, they are never going to grow up and leave home!”

            “Maybe you went a little too far,” the Holy Spirit said, rolling her eyes. “Why would they want to go? After all, it’s Paradise. And maybe you went overboard giving him everything to rule—telling him he is in your likeness—and then that Eve thing.”

            “I know you disagreed with that. But even when he was Master of Everything he still seemed kind of lost—like a little boy. It was as if he was incomplete. I had to do something to boost him up,” God said, sighing.

            “But telling him you made her out of him instead of from me! I’m afraid he’s never going to treat her like an equal. How many times has he already said to her—“Well Eve, after all, you are just a part of me.” It’s disgusting. It’s as though he thinks he’s God!

            “Oh H.S., I know you’re right. But I don’t know what to do about it. If he could just grow up and have to face the realities of life. I counted on the idea that he would rebel by now—that’s why I told him about the trees that were off limits. But he’s so righteous. All he did was build a fence around them and put up a No Trespassing sign. Where’s his sense of adventure?”

            “Boss, you know he’d be happy going fishing every day. There is only one chance if you really want human beings to grow up. You’re going to have to get her to help,” Spirit said. “Otherwise you are going to have them living in your back yard until the End of Time.”

            “But how can I do that? If he knows that I’ve chosen her as the hope for humanity he’ll never get over it,” God said.

            “But surely he will remember that you are in charge of whatever happens—so there won’t be anyone to blame no matter how you do it,” the Holy Spirit said encouragingly.

            God furrowed His brow. “Will you ask her to meet with me?”

God and Eve

            “Thanks for coming, Eve. How is everything going?”

            “Not too bad,” she answered, “considering.”

            God smiled sheepishly, “Listen, I know you aren’t too happy with me lying to Adam about how you were created.”

            “That rib story has made him insufferable. He goes around chuckling about my inferiority; telling me what to do; naming things; looking for someone to fight; and peeing to mark his territory, which is everywhere. I just wish you hadn’t asked me to keep it a secret that I was created from the Holy Spirit.”

            “I’m sorry about that. Don’t worry. I’m going to completely erase from your memory the fact that you were created from the Divine Feminine.”

            “That’s not fair! Why not just tell him the truth and even things out between us?” Eve exclaimed.

            “I just don’t think he can take it. Let’s give him a little time to grow out of this narcissistic phase. But at least if you don’t remember that you are as divine as he is you won’t be so frustrated.”

            “Maybe that will make it easier to take. But I still won’t appreciate the way he treats me.”

            “His first wife, Lilith, had the same complaint. But I didn’t want him to be alone. When she left I tried again with you. I thought that being part of the Holy Spirit might give you the patience to deal with him.”

            “I’d say I have more patience than he deserves. I like Adam well enough—I mean he’s a nice guy. We just don’t have much in common.”

            “I understand. But you know I just can’t stay mad at him,” God smiled.

            “I’ve noticed. What did you want to talk about anyway?”

            “I need to get you humans to get out of this garden so you can start begetting the human race.”

            “I have been telling Adam for months that it doesn’t work to live with in-laws. But I can’t get him to listen. He’s really happy here.”

            “The truth is that I was counting on a little teen aged rebellion by now—you know, detaching from the parent? But that’s not happening so I have been trying to figure out another way to get you two out of Paradise. Remember those trees I told Adam not to touch?”

            “Omigod, he tells me every day! Don’t eat that fruit. And he has even gone so far as to…”

            “…put up fences, I know,” God said.

            “I don’t mean to complain, but it is getting a little boring around here. I want to make a difference in the world. There’s nothing for me to do,” Eve moaned.

            “I think I can change that. I’ve got a plan. How do you feel about snakes?”

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  • emmakh

    My problem with this article is that it posits that God is just as misogynistic as man, and that the original man and therefore all men value women as lower, and less than themselves.  I do not think that to be an advocate for gender equality you have to be an atheist.  If we reject the religious patriarchal attitude as wrong and hateful towards the female gender, then why wouldn’t we go one step further? Why not reject the historical patriarchal attitude toward religion, too?  Patriarchal stereotypes didn’t come from God, they came from men, people, humans who are flawed and capable of being wrong–so isn’t it possible then that God could certainly exist and be both divinely masculine and feminine and that these men on earth got THAT wrong, in addition to thinking women are “less than”?

    I appreciate that this article calls into question something that has bothered me for a long time–the idea that woman, if she was indeed created second, must then automatically be inferior to the gender created first.  I think that’s so wrong, and that possibly man and woman were created at the same time, just not brought together immediately.  Why shouldn’t Eve be given some time to learn that she is alive and capable as well, not just Adam doing it on his own and then given a woman to pass his time when he got bored and lonely?

    Not all men are like these portraits of Adam and God.  A great number are actually incredibly smart and loving, and care about the women in their lives and in the world, so I don’t think this article does them justice.  But as a satirical piece, I do appreciate it bringing light to the idea that history got this story all wrong.  After all, the bible was written by people (male people) who are certainly not above getting it wrong.  When it comes to the bible, I pay more attention to what Jesus actually said than what the historical laws of the times were, as Jesus never said anything about one gender being superior over antoher.  He called men and women to love another equally, to love all people equally, and that smacks pretty strongly of gender equality advocacy to me. 

  • colleen

    If we reject the religious patriarchal attitude as wrong and hateful towards the female gender, then why wouldn’t we go one step further? Why not reject the historical patriarchal attitude toward religion, too? 

    I think the innate inferiority of women and the concept of women as chattel are foundational concepts of Christianity (and probably the other Abrahamic faiths). By this I mean if enough people reject the “historical patriarchal attitude toward religion” institutional Christianity would fade and disappear. But then, as far as I can tell, institutional Christianity is and has always been about  power over others and the abuse of power.

  • ursula-l

    This doesn’t sound, to me, like Eve covering for Adam.  It sounds to me as if Eve is covering for God.  

     

    God made a silly rule, and wanted humans to break it.  Adam wouldn’t break it.  God goes to Eve, tells her to break the rule.  And then expects her to pretend she did it on her own, in defiance of Adam, rather than under God’s direction.  It’s the behavior of an abuser, demanding that someone do something, punishing them for doing it, denying responsibility or involvement, and saying that the punishment is for their own good. 

     

    It fits quite well with God’s assholeish behavior in the Bible.  Playing favorites with different human groups.  Hardening hearts to the detriment of innocent third-parties.  (E.g., Pharoh’s, in order to continue the plagues.)  Condoning genocide.  (Jerico, killing every man, woman and child except for a single family of collaberators.)  Coming up with a salvation plan that includes torturing someone to death.  (Which is what crucifixion is, torturing someone to death.)