You Say Goodbye, and I Say Hello

Robin has been a fantastic member of the RHRC family, a source of great humor and empathy, a strong voice for rights, and a wonderful team mate and friend.  We all join in wishing her well today and in welcoming Sebastian into the world.

It was a moment of utter chance that I came to join the RH RealityCheck team, a bright, silver lining in what was one of the lowest periods of my life.  I had recently learned that I was about to be laid off from my job of three years, and only shortly after that learned that our long-hoped-for second child never made it to 10 weeks gestation. 

In the days following my D&C, recovery and mourning, the Stupak-Pitts amendment was brought into the public debate on health care reform, and an article idea was born.  And it was soon after that I was offered a chance to join the RHRC family, and a new period of my life began.

Somehow, it seemed completely natural that at a time where I myself was questioning my own body, my reproductive care, and what sort of challenges come from fertility, infertility, pregnancy and loss, a platform was suddenly available where I could throw myself into research, writing, and even healing. 

I began to realize that in many ways, emotionally and physically, miscarriage and abortion are two side of the same coin, that there are many overlaps between an unwanted pregnancy and pregnancy loss or infertility.  It became more and more clear to me that just as a woman should have the ability to get pregnant as quickly as she can whenever she she chooses to have a child, it is also imperative that she have the access and care she needs to end an unintended pregnancy, a pregnancy that threatens her health, or a pregnancy where her child will not be able to survive or thrive outside the womb.

And then I became pregnant again.  It was marred by fear.  It was shadowed by loss.  But I was able to continue on day by day, in many ways by being able to share it, step by step, here with all of you.

Somehow, both slowly and quickly, the days have passed and today I am giving birth.  I will finally get to meet the stubborn, independent little creature inside me — the one who tried to frighten me with potential physical issues because he was too obstinate to give a good clear ultrasound image at 20 weeks.  The bullheaded boy who chose two weeks ago to turn himself breech to justify my choice for an elective c-section.  The one who started a firestorm before he was even born just by discussing his foreskin.

It seems appropriate to be saying goodbye to you all on the day I will be saying hello to this new being whom I finally get to meet face to face.  Although I will likely be returning in January, as always I am unsure what the future holds.  But this moment seems like a good one to close that chapter that started out so low, so dark, and so full of loss, and start in fresh with new life, new hope, and a newer understanding of why women need to make this choice individually, and for themselves.

Thank you for being with me through all of this.  And thank you for helping me heal in time to meet Sebastian Elmer Marty. 

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  • radicalhousewife

    Good luck & congratulations & thank you, Robin!

  • brady-swenson

    Congratulations to you and your lovely family, Robin!

  • kirsten-sherk

    Congratulations, Robin! Thank you for sharing your journey with us, your insights, and for bringing your own life to bear I discussions of reproductive freedom. Enjoy this next phase!

  • stephh

    Thank you for all of your fantastic work over the last few years, Robin. It takes a lot of courage to share the deeply personal in such a public way. Congratulations on Sebastian’s birth – I can’t wait to hear all about it when you’re ready to share. 

  • rebellious-grrl

    Robin, congratulations to you and your family!

  • cyffermoon

    I have just recently started reading RHRealityCheck, and found comfort in your story. Clicking through to your November 2009 story, I had a little deja vu. I had a nearly identical situation last October, and the Stupak amendment weighed on my mind too. If it matters, I was at the same number of weeks and went the chemical route and it went fine. My ordeal was eased by having an attentive partner waiting to help if needed. We are still trying for our own little stubborn one. Congratulations to you!

  • robin-marty

    cyffermoon – It took us over a year to conceive the first two pregnancies. How we ended up with Sebastian so quickly after the miscarriage frankly I will never understand, although I will not question our luck. I’ve become extraordinarily close with a large group of women who were all due at the same time and all suffered loss instead, some of whom have new little ones, others who are welcoming theirs soon, and some who make me cry that they still don’t have another pregnancy yet to call their own. All are amazingly strong, and I cherish their friendships. I hope and pray that you will have a new “stubborn one” on the way soon.

  • cyffermoon

    Thank you for your kind words, Robin. After the miscarriage, I was amazed to find how many women I knew had had one themselves. Be well and take care.

  • beenthere72

    Congrats, Robin!!

  • amie-newman

    It’s been an honor and most fabulous working with you, Robin. Your honesty and courage to authentically share your personal experiences here at RH Reality Check is something I admire tremendously! 

    I hope your birth goes well and we welcome Sebastian into the world!!

    Thank you for all you do!

  • crowepps

    And a warm welcome to Sebastian.  Thanks for sharing your life with us!

  • lynda-waddington

    Like you and so many women, I know those dark days of fear too. “Fluke” never seemed like a good enough answer. After all, if there is no reasoning why something happened, there is no way to prevent such a thing happening again. The uncertainty can simply be brutal.

    But I also truly believe that when we have faced the worst possible thing… when we wake up that next day and then the next… that there is a glimmer about us for the rest of our days. That glimmer, which I like to believe is left-over evidence of the tiny lives that have touched our own, provides us a wisdom to speak truth, the power to glimpse what might have once been unfathomable and the strength to stand unmovable while the rest of the world spins out of control.

    I won’t go as far as to say that my losses were a gift – but they have shaped me, just as your loss has shaped you. Once you walk through the fire of grief, and spend hours toiling in its ashes, you can’t help but emerge with a different perspective. And with each trip back, I get nudged a bit more.

    Today the sun is shining bright. Blinding beams kick of the snow and dance around and warm us. We know the road behind us too well, so we choose to look forward. More importantly, we know that we possess the power, wisdom and strength to go forward – all while holding a new little hand.

    Many, many blessings. You deserve them all.


  • ahunt

    Best Wishes, Robin. You will be missed!

  • margaret-conway

    Congratulations Robin and all the best to you & your family as you welcome a new addition to your family. Enjoy these days and those to come.

  • invalid-0

    Congratulations and good luck to you both!

  • cc

    FYI – the gang over at the Jill Stanek are already denigrating Robin. And yet, they claim that they walk with Jesus. What an ugly bunch of phony “Christians.” Anyway, Good luck, Robin.

  • cc

    Should have read Jill Stanek blog.

  • amanda-marcotte

    And welcome to Sebastian!

  • rebellious-grrl

    I read it. I had to post response. I’ve never posted at a anti-choice site before. I guess there’s a first time for everything. Here’s what I posted. It’s just really sad that in a time of celebration for Robin and her family, evil Jill Stanek and her cronies have to be that mean. It shows their true hatred.

    She didn’t quit.
    Jill your article is misleading. If you read the entire article Robin said, “Although I will likely be returning in January, as always I am unsure what the future holds.” To me that sounds like, “I’m taking a break and plan to return in January unless I decide to stay home.” What’s wrong with that? Many parents take off time after a birth or adoption.
    Why can’t you be happy for Robin?  Just because she’s pro-choice? I’m really happy for her and her family.

  • reproductivefreedomfighter

    “Jill Stanek, with her typing fingers all up in your uterus.” 

  • arekushieru

    I’m sorry but I just have to say something about arex’s rating….  You all know I can be a rather rabid anti-ProLifer, but I never rate anyone’s comment based on who that person is, so I have to ask why arex’s post is a 1?  Arex is sincere in his wishes.  If people don’t like those wishes, just because of who he is, just don’t rate it.  Sorry, it’s just something that niggles at me.  I’m sorry if how I’ve asked this question offends others but I felt it had to be said.  ><;

    Anyways!  …Back on-topic!  Best of luck and good wishes for you and all your family in ALL the years ahead, Robin.  Thank you for letting us have this one small peek into your life and becoming my FB friend.  It was a pleasure knowing you!

  • squirrely-girl

    I think there are folks from the PL crowd here that have their moments of coolness and should be recognized for such. 

  • crowepps

    I usually don’t rate comments unless they are nasty/trollish because I read the comments in the all-inclusive ‘talk back’ string.  Although I’ve got to say, the comment descriptors don’t always fit well.  A bland good wishes/thanks and good luck, no matter how sincere, could most accurately be described between insubstantial and thoughtful and rank correctly at 3.7.


    While it is helpful in getting through long comment strings to have the troll/abusive/repetitive comments shrunken down and easy to skip, trying to decide between “insubstantial, thoughtful, insightful, brilliant” is difficult.  Most voting systems on comment strings limit themselves to ‘report/like/hate’ which is a lot easier. 

  • plume-assassine

    Chiming in to say how much I have enjoyed your articles! I wish you the best with your son and I look forward to your [possible]return in January. :)

  • beenthere72

    I so want to say something, but I so don’t want to waste my time.  :-\