Dear Mr. Gibson, Abuse is Abuse.


A couple of months ago, Next Door’s Executive Director Kathleen wrote a blog about Mel Gibson’s abusive telephone recordings that had been released to the media. The disturbing calls, made to his partner Oksana, were frightening. The calls indicated stalking – calling repeatedly, in this case, allegedly 30 times in one day, including in the middle of the night; attempts at sleep deprivation through phone calls; physical violence and threats of physical violence; access to weapons; degradation; and, finally, not-so-subtle threats of death and/or suicide. At the time, nobody knew for certain if these calls were real (except Mel & Oksana, of course). Many believed the calls were doctored but either way, they brought the issue of domestic violence into full view.

Here we are a couple of months later. Not only has this situation not been resolved, but it has grown even more explosive. Just last week, a confession was made by Mel Gibson that he did, in fact, slap Oksana but according to Gibson, he slapped her for her own good…I’m not making this up, folks. He really did say that.

Mel Gibson wants to assure everyone that he did not hit his girlfriend. Contrary to popular belief, he didn’t punch her while she was holding their baby. No, he just slapped her is all. In court papers released just this week, Gibson describes an argument with his estranged girlfriend Oksana. He admits to slapping Oksana “one time with an open hand in an attempt to bring her back to reality” while she held their 2 month old child in her arms. He goes on to explain that there was no blood on her and none of her teeth were broken so he couldn’t have possibly hit her that hard.

This type of behavior is typical of abusers. They regularly deny that the abuse ever took place or in the case of Gibson, attempt to rationalize their abusive behaviors. When confronted by his victims, most abusers tend to shift the blame or avoid the topic altogether. Not only does denial allow the abuser to look at himself in the mirror with a clear conscience, but it is also a way for him to exert control over the victim by claiming his actions were justified. Mel did exactly that when he claimed he slapped Oksana for her own good.

I don’t imagine this story is going to go away anytime soon but for the sake of their little girl, I hope this is resolved quickly. As are all children of domestic violence victims, she is an innocent bystander in all of this. I hope she is able to lead a happy, safe, and healthy life despite the craziness surrounding her.

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  • dbsm

    and these same abusers then go on to “fight” for custody of the child[ren] after a divorce/break up (because that is who mainly fights to remove children from the mom–the abusive dad). that’s how these stories go but we never get to hear ALL of the picture. we only get the part about how the dumb gold-diggin tramp kidnapped the kids from the upstanding father of the year after the judge awarded him full custody.

    this abuse, continued with the abuse via the court system and other systems that often get involved, is what has been going on for at least 20 years.

    check out this story from today and how the picture is painted:

    http://www.bradenton.com/2010/11/19/2752152/mother-arrested-for-kidnapping.html

  • maida

    So, Gibson is a believer in the “Don’t Make Me Have to Hurt You” approach to human relationships, where blame always boomerangs back on the victim.  How convenient.  There are probably a lot of things Mel needs “for his own good,” but when did an abuser find if possible to give up on denial?

  • beenthere72

    We had a tragedy in my area yesterday:

     

    http://www.metrowestdailynews.com/news/x535936108/Westborough-couple-in-ugly-divorce-before-apparent-murder-suicide

     

    Ugh, another recently:  http://www.boston.com/news/local/massachusetts/articles/2010/11/13/waltham_man_kills_wife_and_self_police_say/

     

    I should share this link too because it mentions other recent murder-suicides in the area:

    http://www.boston.com/news/local/massachusetts/articles/2010/11/19/westborough_couple_found_dead_at_home/

     

    I get the feeling this horrible, selfish action is contagious.   Happening way too often.

  • crowepps

    I just cannot get the whole rationale behind being yelling at and threatening women and calling them filthy and demeaning names as a way to get them to stay around.  The FIRST time somebody called me a c*nt I would be GONE.

  • arekushieru

    dbsm, there are two situations that occurred right in my home-town, too, not too long ago.  An elderly woman was jailed because she shot and killed her abusive husband, after the police told her grandson that they couldn’t help her unless she came in to the police.

     

    Secondly, a woman and child were on the run after escaping her own abusive husband, when they finally created the new identities they sought, only to have a leak in the agency that collects and distributes this information, causing them to need to go on the run, again.

    It’s sickening how the victim is always victimized further by the system, not JUST the abuser.  Mel Gibson needs to take responsibility.

  • ack

    but I have to say it for anyone who might come across this post. Everyone has different boundaries, and our boundaries change as relationships progress. We find ourselves forgiving behaviors after 6 months, or a year, or 10 years, that we never would have on the first date.

     

    He wanted to control, frighten, and intimidate her. To show her who had the power in the relationship. He continues to do this through the media, with a classic abusive tactic of minimizing his own abuse.