So, maybe, there’s yet another big difference between the sexes: While nice boys finish last, nice girls finish first.
Just look at today’s news: I ask you, what’s a bigger achievement than being selected as a Supreme Court Justice? Yup, just pause, and think for a moment about those words, “supreme” and “justice,” next to your name.
How cool would that be?
In his first year in office, President Obama has had the amazing good fortune to get two Supreme Court picks. In both cases, he picked a girl from New York. [How cool is that, for a(nother) girl from New York: me. Let me count the ways. But keep reading; it's not all that good.]
OK, so let’s be serious here. Do you see a pattern here? And, this time, I’m not talking about the one about all the brilliant New York girls being picked for starring roles.
The pattern is: Make sure you’re a really nice girl, first and foremost. What’s that, you ask? Well, taking a page from the Sonia Sotomayor/Elena Kagan, New York, nice girl (no, “New York” and “nice” are not oxymorons) playbook, it’s study really hard; get really good grades; go to Princeton (both); go to Harvard Law (Elena), or go to Yale Law (Sonia); have important male mentors; stay single as you’re making your way up the career ladder, so no husband’s choices get in your way, or put you in a bad light; well, you get the drift.
In fact, these two women who finished first: Elena, the one about to have “supreme” and “justice” next to her name, and Sonia, the one who has it already, are nice girls, in all the ways that actually matter, if you want to have words like “supreme” or “justice” next to your name. In fact, these days, as Sonia and Elena have now proved, you can even safely forget the baby-making and the finding a nice guy, or even a(nother) nice girl (keep reading on the latter point). Just don’t forget to study hard, and never, never talk out-of-turn.
And, do forget, for sure, that old saw that used to make some of us feel better: “Well-behaved women rarely make history.”
In fact, those badly behaved women, and, believe me, I know where-of I speak, only make history of the upset-the-apple-cart kind, not the kind that leads to “supreme” and “justice” next to one’s name.
In sum, these two New York nice girls, just like those two Illinois nice girls, Michelle Obama (Harvard Law) and Hillary Clinton, she of the when it came right down to it I did stand by my man, (Yale Law), have never met a test they couldn’t ace, and cooking or housekeeping, the used-to-be sine qua non of nice girls; well, there’s help for that; just ask Michelle or Hillary.
On the personal front, Sonia Sotomayor seems kind of like Valerie Jarrett (Michigan Law, daughter at Harvard Law). While married early-on, there was no husband around during the formative years of her career, when the difficult decisions needed to be made; when one’s decisions might have required consideration of the desires of another ambitious adult.
On the other hand, Elena Kagan has never married, and, at least as far as we know so far, she hasn’t had any long-term intimate relationship, (male or female), requiring accommodation to that person’s career or personal goals.
And, doubly lucky for Elena Kagan (we have made some real progress here), the White House seems to be comfortable handling, albeit somewhat defensively, the assertions that the President just nominated a LESBIAN to the SUPREME COURT! [It really is delicious when you think about it.]
So, what’s my point in all this, you ask? Well, my point is it’s that gosh-darned “nina modela” thing, that “nice girl”/model child syndrome one more sickening time.
So, that’s ridiculous, you say? It’s ridiculous to feel bad when a woman finished first – when lord knows not many women, of any kind, finish first anywhere, much less in the run-up to the Supreme Court?
Well, it’s not ridiculous, I say, because it’s the bad girls, like me, who make these good (nice) girls’ dreams come true. And, to add insult to injury, these nice girls can maybe even be lesbians!
We screamed, and scream; we hollered, and holler. And what do we get? Somebody’s back, as they shut the door in our face(s). “She’s a pistol, they say,” and not with admiration.
What do they get? The Supreme Court (Elena and Sonia), or the West Wing (Valerie), or, for that matter, and not so bad either, the East Wing (Michelle and Hillary).
Fact is, Elena stood silent, while I screamed. Fact is, Elena was “canny,” while I was fervent. Fact is, Elena was a coalition-builder, while I was an advocate. Fact is, Elena didn’t express her political views, while I did nothing but. Fact is, Elena wrote little, while I wrote untold speeches and press releases, all with the same basic headline: We (women) want more.
[NOTE: I’m using myself as a stand-in for those women lawyers who will never be considered for “supreme” and “justice” next to their names. I’m not a lawyer, so I can’t run this race.]
Is this ironic, or what? This Elena, the putative lesbian, we’re talking about. This is Elena who, odds are, will be doing nothing but writing and voicing her opinions for the next forty or so years or so, if her’s and the President’s good luck continue, and just because she kept her mouth shut in the early rounds. It’s not only ironic, it’s bewildering.
Ironic? Let me count the ways.
Let others do the political talking, so you don’t have any politically-incorrect You Tube videos.
Let others do the writing, so you don’t have any controversial law review articles.
Let others interrupt their careers to follow a spouse or pay for a spouse’s education, while you forge ahead in line.
Let others fight for women’s reproductive rights, while you benefit from that fight.
Let others advocate for women as a group, while you advocate for yourself.
Yes, all this said, I’m still very happy that a(nother) non-Protestant (more progress, here) woman from New York is going to be a Supreme Court Justice. That makes the Supremes, in case you’re counting, the (really cool, not Motown, but Big Apple) Supremes: Ruth, Sonia, and Elena.
But I’m not that happy: In fact, as I think about it, I think I was happier when Ruth Bader Ginsburg was appointed to the Supreme Court, a woman who found a way to be a women’s advocate, and a wife, and a mother, as well as a way to be a brilliant lawyer and judge, and, finally, yes (!), a Supreme.
And, as I think about it, Ruth Bader Ginsburg may be a better role model for today’s young women than soon-to-be Justice Kagan or now Justice Sotomayor. For, unlike Kagan and Sotomayor, Justice Ginsburg has lived the life that most women live, and yet she found a way to be a Supreme, notwithstanding.