• invalid-0

    great advice as usual Heather!

  • invalid-0

    After I had my miscarriage about 2 years ago, i never went back for the 2 week visit for the check up. At first I couldn’t have sex because I was emotionally unstable and I would break down crying. Now that I am passed that I find that after 2 minutes into sex it is too paniful and I have to stop. I am over the miscarriage now, but I feel broken because I can’t have sex anymore. And although my partner is a big guy, it never effected me before the miscarriage. Do you think something is physical wrong?

  • heather-corinna

    Anonymous: what I’d suggest is checking in with an OB/GYN first if you have not been in to see one since.

     

    For starters, two years is a substantial amount of time to go without reproductive healthcare when you’re sexually active.  So, you want to rule out a sexually transmitted infection, some other kind of infection or illness, which — if that’s what’s up — may or may not be related to your miscarriage.  But you also really should have had that follow-up after the miscarriage.

     

    Your OB/GYN can help you find out what’s going on even if there’s nothing like an infection present. 

     

    It seems clear since you are having pain that it obviously is physical to at least some degree, but the question is whether that physical symptom is due to something physical, or due to something psychological or emotional.  Because of the way our minds are a big part of our sexual response, psychological issues (like feeling very upset by sex, like associating sex with the trauma of your miscarriage and with loss, like any troubles in the relationship) can result in not becoming aroused or fully aroused, in muscle tension in the vagina that creates resistance or pain.If a healthcare provider feels this is a psychological issue, rather than about a physical illness, she or he may suggest some additional counseling or therapy for you: sometimes we aren’t as over things as we think we are, and need some extra help to heal.

     

    Too, when you experience pain with sex but keep trying and trying all the same, still having that pain, you’re also going to anticipate it each time, and it’s very unlikely at this point you will NOT have pain: so until you do get seen, if you are still trying to have sex, I’d take a break.  If there are kinds of sex which are not painful, and which do feel good, those kinds are fine.

     

    But don’t just hang around suffering and mystified for no reason: there’s just no sense in you feeling this way but not seeking out answers.

  • invalid-0

    Hi, I’ve been researching and so far this has been the best place to go to for more accurate answers.. I was 5 wks pregnant and do to unexpected complications had an abortion. The abortion was done by pills.. This was done on the 12’16. I Havent gone back for check up because my husband and I are out of the Country.. We have been having sexual intercourse unprotected and are anxious to become parents.. We started having relations again on the 12’25 and so forth.. I’m pretty sure I’m pregnant again but scared because I have been spotting for the past 2 days.. First it was just milk like fluid and now i’m spotting.. I’m trying to move as less as possible and rest until I find out exactly whats going on.. I’m scared my inner walls haven’t been restored and that may cause miscarrige.. Can you please give me some adv.. I’m anxious and doctors just arent giving me an accurate answer.. I went to doctor today and got blood work done but wont be back for another 3 days.. And i’m extremly irregular so I cant wait to miss a period to find out if I am or not pregnant.. We’d greatly!! appreciate any anwers..

  • invalid-0

    i just had surgical abortion about 4 days ago of 6 weeks pregnancy and the doctor had advised not to have any veginal intercourse, but yesterday after 4 days of abortion my boy friend we didnt have sex but he just kind on inserted into vegina for a minute so without even moving it nor it inserted all the way in, it just happened…i really regret that and i want to know if that would cause any major problem it it can be avoided? please let me know how harmful is that?

    thanks, Annie

  • heather-corinna

    Annie: the reason it is advised to wait a couple of weeks for intercourse (and other kinds of sex) is to prevent infection AND to keep you from becoming pregnant again.

     

    Since you and/or your partner didn’t follow that advice, the best you can do now is a) to really abstain for the rest of that period of time, and make clear to your partner that HAS to happen and b) to just be sure to take your full round of antibiotics.   You’ll also want to be sure — as you would regardless — not to miss your follow-up appointment with your provider to assure an infection did not occur.  In terms of pregnancy (which would be unlikely, but we can never know for sure if pre-ejaculate in that case posed some risk), that can be trickier because you’re going to get a positive result on a pregnancy test for a while since you have just recently been pregnant.  So, I’d just disclose to your doctor at your follow-up that this did happen and see what she or he suggests.

  • heather-corinna

    Anonymous, I’m sorry I missed your comment.  Since it’s been some time, I assume you have found out what you needed to know in the interim.

  • invalid-0

    i’m 27 and had an abortion of 6 weeks pregnancy about 2 months ago.since then on, i couldnt get wet at all when having sex with my boyfriend, and so sex became painful.not only that, sometimes i couldnt come at all.before the abortion, i get wet easily and come everytime we had sex.i couldn’t enjoy having sex like i used to.why is this happening to me?

  • heather-corinna

    Vaginal lubrication is primarily about a few things: your endocrine system, some of the glands of your vulva, and your state of mind.  An abortion procedure doesn’t involve or impact the first two (though a pregnancy can impact your endocrine system for a bit, even a while after its over).

     

    But I’m willing to bet that it’s your state of mind which is probably the primary issue.  How did you feel about your abortion?  How are you feeling about it afterwards? How are you feeling about sex now, too, after having an unwanted pregnancy: that can impact our feelings about sex.  How are the dynamics in your relationship post-abortion?  Have you gotten any support you needed from your boyfriend and/or others?

     

    Also, if you’re feeling pain with sex, that can tend to impact how aroused you get every time after, especially if it keeps happening.  One thing to know is that when you aren’t lubricating, if you do want to have sex, you don’t have to do it dry: you can, like many people do, including those who ARE self-lubricating, use some lube from a bottle as needed.

     

    I’d suggest just checking in with yourself to be sure sex (of whatever kind) is what you want right now.  If not, take a little break.  If it is,you can use a lubricant when you’re not lubricating yourself, and if you think there are feelings which maybe part of this you need to work through, you can do that with your boyfriend, a friend or a counselor or support group.  Even just writing in a journal for yourself may be helpful.

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