• brentrjones

    Sex is wonderful and feels good, but I encourage you not to have sex unless you are married. Part of growing up is being responsible for your life and your body and future. There are many things that are harmful about sex outside of marriage. I do encourage you to talk adults that you can trust. Try to get more than one point of view.


    I have a wonderful wife and three lovely grown daughters. All of them are happy about having sex only when married. They tell me that they are glad that they did not experiment before marriage. And they want sex to be a happy loving part of being with a life partner.


    Brent in Oak Park, IL

  • betty-brown

    hmmmm?  just why exactly are people such as yourself so obsessed with marriage and sex?  you do realize that marriage does not insure a person is 100% safe from risks involved with sex, right?  first of all, being married doesn’t mean every pregnancy that happens during a marriage is a wanted pregnancy.  secondly, there are people who get STDs from their spouse who cheated on them.  and thirdly, even wanted pregnancy does not equal a perfect situation – like my biological father packing his bags and disappearing when i was 11.  the reality is, is that marriage is not some perfect union fantasyland where absolutely none of the risks of sex exist.

    i’m glad your beliefs turned out well for you and your children, but i don’t think your beliefs are right for every one else.  i would choose to inform my children that sex outside marriage is NOT something terrible, nor something evil, nor a sin…and that it really comes down to self-respect, and deciding for yourself what it means to you, and how to be safe regardless of the depth of the relationship and commitment.  



    truth?  is truth unchanging law?  we both have truths, are mine the same as yours?

  • heather-corinna

    I feel the need, per usual, to point out that,


    a)  We have no way of knowing what the marital status of this person is, nor did this person ask me about marriage, or sex before, without or within marriage. I get these kinds of questions from unmarried, soon-to-be-married and married people alike.


    b) We have no way of knowing what the sexual orientation of this person is: unless you’re getting seriously behind efforts to make marriage available for same-sex partners, lecturing about sex and marriage and how one must wait is iffy, at best, and totally exclusionary/dismissive at worst.


    c) We have to bear in mind that not everyone WANTS to get married or has the option of getting married, and


    d) There really is yet no data which shows that sex within or outside of marriage poses any difference when it comes to health or emotional risks.  If you have some you’re referencing, I’d love to see it.


    I think it’s absolutely great, Brent, that thus far, your three girls havea sexual ethos they feel good about and is working for them.  I also don’t think that waiting until marriage — for those who can and want to — is a bad thing, or somehow a worse choice than not waiting.  But if we know anything about human sexuality and relationships, we know that there are a variety of different choices and ethos which can and do result in sound physical and emotional health, as well as sexual satisfaction, and stating any one to be universally better than another, especially when we know that not to be true, or an option even avilable to or wanted by everyone not only always excludes a lot of people, it also denies the reality of many people, married and unmarried.


    I’m also a big proponent of doing what I can to assure that anyone making these choices feels they really own them, so you’re never going to see me push a cultural mandate for anyone to have any one given kind of relationship.  I feel that if and when we do that, even if a given person makes whatever choice we personally feel is best or right (for those of us who feel there is such a thing), we’re potentially robbing them of the ownership of that positive choice, which really detracts from the positivity of the thing.

  • invalid-0

    How is waiting for marriage to have sex responsible? What about people who can’t legally be married? What about people who aren’t interested in that institution? I think using birth control and measures to prevent STIs and waiting until you’re ready, regardless of your marital status, is far more responsible then “wait until you’re married.”

    What’s harmful about having sex outside of marriage anyway?

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