• invalid-0

    Just wanted to than you for the details about this that i did not know – such as the actual percentage of women. I am 45 years old & knew most of this – just not that the number was so high – thanks again!

  • invalid-0

    There is a huge difference between the emails in the first and second categories –
    the women in the first case, *can* orgasm, they just can’t or haven’t from vaginal intercourse.

    Read the second ones again – these guys are concerned as they are stating that they have *never* experienced orgasm, not just ‘not during sex’.
    I’m pretty disappointed that you didn’t address this at all.

    Though, I’m not sure what you could say. Apparently there’s up to 10% of women who’ve just… never orgasmed.

    I’m one of them. Many loving partners, no psychological issues, a dozen different sex toys including half a dozen vibrators (what? They’re fun!). Luckily, I do really, really enjoy sex – there’s just no ‘big O’, not now, during puberty, or even in my sleep.
    Honestly, it almost seems like a strange concept – so, you’re eating cake, and eating cake, and it’s really good, really-really good, and then you have this big cake-gasm, relax and don’t want any more cake?
    o_O?!

  • invalid-0

    Even after 10 years I could not easily tell my husband what I wanted. I men, in the moment I would just freeze up and could not get the words out before things changed and I thought I wanted soemthing else. Or it felt good but I wanted it to feel better, but did not for the life of me know what to ask for. Sound familiar? Anyway, we got a great tape which makes asking for what you want very easy and a winning proposition for him. It’s by the Welcomed Concensus at http://www.welcomed.com.

  • invalid-0

    No one wants to admit this, but the bottom line is this: men do not want to expend the effort to help a woman climax. This REQUIRES full attention — correctly done, not like he’s rubbing a piece of sandpaper over a wood board — on the clitoris. The clitoris is the source of orgasm after the women is emotionally and mentally aroused to the point of orgasm. The vagina DOES NOT ORGASM. The inside of it is nearly numb, for God’s sake! Men don’t WANT to spend up to AN HOUR to get a woman to cum! They want to pretend that women are like them — if their penis cums in the vagina, well then, the vagina should climax right along with that penis, right? WRONG.
    Until men and WOMEN accept these FACTS — THAT THERE IS NO VAGINAL ORGASM, EVER — and that the clitoris is the focus of female climax, and that men simply REFUSE to put out the EFFORT because they’re selfish and want women to cum some other way (which is why their women never cum, duh!) NONE of us will have this “problem” solved. WOMEN have to STOP putting up with this total ignorance of their own bodies!!! It starts with that!!

  • invalid-0

    Until men and WOMEN accept these FACTS — THAT THERE IS NO VAGINAL ORGASM, EVER — and that the clitoris is the focus of female climax

    While I agree that the clitoris is the focus of the female climax, i disagree that there is no “vaginal orgasm”. i come with only G-spot attention, in fact, much easier and quicker than with just clitoral attention. even better is both at once… i also seem to have another spot, way in the back, that a penis can not reach…. Toys are great ways to discover new pleasure points.

    there ARE men out there who care about your pleasure, just gotta find the right ones. also try masturbating with your lover, you will learn how to please each other!

  • http://www.scarleteen.com invalid-0

    To be accurate, the clitoris doesn’t orgasm either. No one body parts orgasms. Orgasm is a whole-body event that’s mostly about the neurological system at-large, not in one place.

    Rather, it occurs due to stimulus of various types, which differs among people and from day-to-day. When it comes to genital stimulus of female-bodied folks, we can absolutely say that for more women than less, that has to do with stimulation of the clitoris rather than of the vagina (which isn’t nearly numb for all of the inside: just after the first inch or two, and no, even there the number of nerve endings aren’t the same as with the clit) but a) your mileage may vary, b) the clitoris isn’t just external, but also internal, including how it’s really part of the G-spot, and that’s some of the why for women who DO get off on vaginal sex and c) as the last poster noted, it’s not like anyone is limited to just one place or can always say it’s just about stimulus here or there, this way or that.

    Often orgasm is about a whole bunch of different kinds of stimuli, not only to different sites, but in different ways: some of it is tactile, but it can be and often is often verbal or auditory, olfactory, visual, emotional, intellectual, etc.

    I’d also take it a little easier on men. Certainly, some men are indeed like that and could care less about their female partner’s climax. We all know this to be true by now. But plenty, just like women, simply were reared to think that vaginal intercourse is what’s supposed to do the deed for both partners, and don’t know much about female sexual anatomy, or are in the process of working to change their habits and attitudes with that new information. It often takes a good deal of time for people to shift sexual habits.

  • http://www.OnTheIssuesMagazine.com invalid-0

    “I always wanted to have orgasm during intercourse with him — seems like the impossible dream. I used to blame him, I thought he was too fast, did not try hard enough — then I blamed myself, I thought there was something psychologically wrong with me — but after several years of working on myself and him, I now understand that there is nothing wrong with either of us, that we are just normal like other people.”

    The Hite Report on Female Sexuality’s research shows that 94 percent of women can regularly orgasm via self-stimulation (separate stimulation of the exterior vulva or pubis). So why not during sex with a partner? Because the stimulation is not done in the same way. The conclusion? The definition of sex should change to include such stimulation as a normal part of sex. This would also make sex more egalitarian, no longer exaggeratedly focused on penetration and coitus as the high point or climax of sex.

    —————————————————————

    Shere HiteThe Hite Report on Female Sexuality presents a large body of research showing that women can easily reach orgasm. The report documents, in women’s own voices, how women reach orgasm privately through masturbation. The great majority of women can masturbate to orgasm and do not use penetration during masturbation. The report shows that women do not have a problem reaching orgasm, but rather that society does have a problem in accepting how women reach orgasm. Society insists that women try to have orgasm during intercourse or coitus, even though this is not the easiest way for them to reach orgasm. Clearly, they do not use vaginal stimulation or penetrate themselves during masturbation.

    In these days of equality, we could devise a new version of sex, effective for both women and men. Let me try this here.

    Prior to my research (and still in some quarters today), it was believed that women have difficulty having orgasm and that women should find vaginal fulfillment by trying to have orgasm during intercourse (it used to be called vaginal orgasm.) Clitoral orgasm was said to be immature and lesser.

    Although this idea was overturned by The Hite Report, in recent years it has made a forceable comeback. A so-called g-spot came to stand for the old concept of vaginal orgasm: every women should be able to have orgasm via penetration and stimulation inside the vagina — if she is a real woman!

    As noted, The Hite Report on Female Sexuality showed that most women could orgasm easily and regularly via separate stimulation of the exterior vulva or pubis, and that the definition of sex should change to include such stimulation to orgasm as a normal part of sex. This would make sex more egalitarian. While this research showed that sex should no longer be so exaggeratedly focused on coitus as the sole high point or climax of sex, images of sex in pornography, popular culture and media did not change.

    A notion introduced three years after the report further reinforced traditional ideas of sex — so nothing has to change. It held that a supposed — but almost never found (!) — g-spot exists inside the vagina that can lead to clitoral stimulation and female orgasm, if pressed in the right way. This has been seized on by makers of Viagra and Ciallis, among others, opening the door to more pressures on men and women (men should last long enough; women should have orgasm that way.) It puts men and women unnecessarily at odds with each other. The message it sends is that it is not necessary to change the definition of sex in any basic way, and that women should be able to have orgasm via coitus with the g-spot. Although vaginal orgasm, the old term, had been completely ridiculed, here was a trendy, modern way to be a stick-in-the-mud, but still proclaim oneself to be modern, new, and liberated — supposedly believing in equality and the new powerful woman.

    Of course, the vagina is a sensitive and pleasurable organ for women, given the right situation. My research does not deny that, but rather demonstrates that this pleasure does not lead to orgasm for most women. Many women enjoy intercourse as a kind of foreplay, then use specific clitoral massage to orgasm, done systematically and gently.

    Society has not been able to quickly overturn centuries of belief about the act, or allowed women to orgasm in their own way. Instead, it has clung to the new trendy term with its old-fashioned idea of sex. Many medical studies show that no specific spot exists. A new view of sex that includes female orgasm via separate stimulation means using one’s imagination to change a basic modus vivendi, and offers new possibilities.

    How should sex change? At a minimum, both women and men should get the stimulation they need for orgasm. Since women can easily orgasm via their own clitoral-area stimulation during masturbation, the same stimulation (usually by the hand or mouth of the partner) should become an equally important high point to intercourse and penetration in a new version of sex.

    But sex can evolve beyond orgasms. Sex can be transformed to become an individual vocabulary of erotic gestures, combining bodies to reach high states of arousal and desire, beyond a quest for orgasms by either woman or man. Sex can become something new, something we have not yet seen, something that we all now create by taking private, very courageous, steps.

    ——————————————————————————–

    Shere Hite s the researcher and writer of the famous series of Hite Reports (on female sexuality, 1976; on male sexuality, 1981; on women and love, 1987; on growing up in the family, 1994) and of other books. The theory and excerpts are collected in the 2006 publication The Shere Hite Reader. (Seven Stories, New York). Her university degrees are: BA cum laude, University of Florida (1968 history); MA cum laude (modern history), University of Florida (1969); Ph.D. Nihon University (Japan), 1999, Department of International Relations. Hite wries weekly newspaper columns about private life for newspapers and magazines around the world and continues to gather research for future reports. She was called the icone internationale du feminism by Marie-Claire France — (out there for women and men). Refusing interviews for over ten years in the U.S., she is interviewed regularly in Europe, Asia and South America, and is now regarded as a focal point internationally for the new woman’s rights. In 1999-2000, she published a new book, Sex and Business (Pearson UK, 1999), discussing equal pay, sexual harassment, women’s choices, the glass” ceiling and more. She can be reached at: hite2000@hotmail.com

  • invalid-0

    most people i know do define “sex” as more than just intercourse. and i hope you’re not trying to say the g-spot is some made up thing that doesn’t exist! some people have it, some don’t, just like some men can get off with prostate stimulation, and some can’t. not all women are the same!

    to those women who do want to orgasm during intercourse, i recommend vibrating cock rings! works great for me. also, mutual masturbation is pretty much guaranteed to give both of you orgasms. =)

  • invalid-0

    I thought I’d (over)share, because in talking to my friends, this hasn’t just been my experience.

    Perhaps part of the problem that some women have with orgasming, or communicating with their partner to get the right stimulus to orgasm, is upbringing. I didn’t grow up in a fundamentalist religion and my parents weren’t negative about sex, and I still ended up believing that sex was something that only dirty whores did. It’s incredibly difficult to enjoy sex when you believe that it’s demeaning and dirty and immoral.

    It took me some time with my partner to even really acknowledge that sexual desire was something that could be expressed, not automatically shut down. It took me awhile to get comfortable with the idea that sex is good. It took time to become comfortable enough to tell my partner what felt good and what just wasn’t doing it.

    You don’t need to people being very negative about sex to just absorb the puritanical impulses from the general culture, or to get the idea from even a mainstream church that sex isn’t really something good, especially if you’re not married.

  • heather-corinna

    It’s hard to say exactly WHY not reaching orgasm with intercourse alone
    IS the experience of a majority of women in toto (primarily because there are some variables), but we do know we can’t say
    it’s just psychological or based in social conditioning. 

     

    If the vulva and vagina had a different
    construction than they do, then maybe, but they don’t.  For many women, because
    of where their clitorses are and what kind of stimulus they respond to best, because of how few senory nerve endings we have in the vagina, because of the different shapes and sizes of what’s going in there are usually the biggest "whys" in this.  Really, this post is about orgasm with intercourse: not with all kinds of sex.  You speak to that even in your comment when you talk about the right kinds of stimulus, you know?

     

    Lots of women who DO feel very comfortable with their sexuality, who have no problems communicating with their partners,  who do not feel they are dirty or shameful during sex STILL cannot teach orgasm from intercourse alone (and are often mystified, feeling those kids of barriers are all there is to deal with), and we do know a lot of that simply has to do with simple physiology more than anything else.

     

    I agree with you that where our heads are at and our relationship dynamics certainly play a part — particularly when we’re talking about inorgasmia from everything, not just intercourse — but we also know that alone isn’t the issue. 

     

    (And there’s no oversharing at my table!:) 

  • invalid-0

    I’m in the same boat you are- for some reason there was this shame I felt about sex and a discomfort with the fact that I wanted it, even though my mother was very open about talking about sex. I think the people I was around growing up influenced my thinking in a way it has taken quite some time to start to undo!

  • invalid-0

    what should be the time duration of one intercourse? and how minutes can a normal person take to loose sperm during intercourse?

Mobile Theme